What does the LORD require of you?

'Josephine and Mercie' by Edmund Charles Tarbell

Micah 6:8  

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?  

  This is one of my favorite Scripture verses.  I even painted the verse on chairs at my home.  As I reflected on it the past few days, it crossed my mind that this relatively short verse could sum up how I should seek to live each day.

There are three basic things listed, easy for my mind to grab hold of as I go about my day-
1. To do justice/justly
2. To love mercy/kindness
3. To walk humbly with my God

As I go about the day doing my work - interacting with people in person, over the phone, online; and even thinking to myself...I  can easily remind myself of these three requirements which to me consist of, at the very least, doing all things with integrity, standing up against injustice; showing kindness and mercy, with patience and gentleness; and knowing my status before my God (not some impersonal God out there but my God, the God who is personal, who created and redeemed me, who knows and loves me, and who is with me wherever I go).

It has helped me to have these three requirements in my head throughout the day.  My naturally impatient, self-centered self with a tendency towards rudeness would now pause and think if I am showing kindness in how I speak to the person across from me or on the phone (I'm especially guilty of rudeness here), or if I am true to my word, or if I am being cowardly and selfish by not doing my part in securing hope for the oppressed (not necessarily always on a grand scale but equally crucial in everyday encounters like speaking up for the widow who is being bullied).

But more importantly, the verse reminds me to start each day cognizant of my status before my God, humbly obeying Him in everything and every way as His Spirit leads, not for fear of punishment by some distant oppressive God, but out of love of a personal God who loves me first and is ever present with me.  To me, it is like a child holding on tightly to her father with adoration and respect as he leads her with loving authority and impeccable wisdom.

I have failed and will continue to fail as I go about my day, stumbling as I act out in anger or without integrity, or  when I treat God and man with contempt, seeking to do things my way.  But my God's love is steadfast, He does not give up easily and is gracious to let me see my erring ways,then pulls me back up and set me once again on the journey with Him for another mile, for another day.

Before I end this post, I would like to point out that other than the use of the personal possessive pronoun "your" before "God," the name of God used in this verse "YHWH," translated "I AM WHO I AM" or "I AM" ("the LORD" in English Bibles) was first revealed to the Israelites during the Exodus.  God told Moses to tell the people before they set out that it's "I AM" who had  sent him to lead them out of Egypt (Exodus 3:14).  Up to this point, God's chosen people, including the Patriarchs, knew God only by titles.  YHWH is the first personal proper name that God revealed of Himself. It is this YHWH, this personal God who redeemed His people from the bondage of the Egyptians and who was with them every step of the way to the promised land.  It is YHWH (the LORD) who saved His people and overthrew all who opposed Him.

It is the same God, revealed now in the fullness of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit that is leading me to live my days to do justice, to love mercy and to live humbly before my God.

Death Be Not Proud

Painting by Kenneth Rowntree

My mom died this day four years ago.  I miss her with all my heart.  Absent from me, but joyfully present with her God!

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee

Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;

For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow

Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.

From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,

Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,

And soonest our best men with thee do go,

Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.

Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,

And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,

And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well

And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?

One short sleep past, we wake eternally

And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

John Donne

1 Corinthians 15:25-26

For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. The last enemy to be destroyed is death. 

The Inheritance of Loss

Illustration by Lauren Monaco

This way of leaving your family for work had condemned them over several generations to have their hearts always in other places, their minds thinking about people elsewhere; they could never be in a single existence at one time. How wonderful it was going to be to have things otherwise. 

Kiran Desai, The Inheritance of Loss

Kiran Desai describes movingly the dilemma of those of us who have traveled far from home for education or employment, leaving behind our loved ones and the way of life, forging a new life but always missing the old.

I am more fortunate than Desai's characters who went far from their hometowns in India to England and the US but found it hard to assimulate into their new societies and sadly also did not succeed in bettering themselves or their circumstances.  Jemubhai (the Judge) became a warped, harsh man as a result of his years at Cambridge; Biju slaved in greasy and often sleazy kitchens in New York, to have his savings and belongings down to to his pants robbed on his return to Kalimpong to be reunited with his father.  In contrast, right from the get-go, I was fortunate to adjust seemingly seamlessly to American society.  As a university student, I adapted well and was included and embraced by my fellow American college mates.  Upon graduation, I proceeded to live the "American Dream."  But through it all, until the deaths of my parents, my heart and mind were always here and also there. I would constantly be thinking about my grandparents, my parents -- missing them, worrying about them.  Despite the distance that separated us, I managed to be embroiled in their lives, tackling happy circumstances and complications from afar, and always feeling inadequate and torn.

And in spite of how well I have adjusted to American life, there is always a yearning for things from "home" and of the way of life there (many aspects are far from ideal and from which I would not want to be subjected again).  And even though my closest ties are now severed by death, a part of me will always be tied to the land of my birth -- to its culture, to its landscape, and to its people.  Living the American life in the present yet subjugated to the memory of the people and the life back home.

In a sense, everyone feels the same way when she leaves family and hometown to study or work in another city, even in her home country with all its familiarity.  The dilemma is probably more painful and the parting more poignant when we have to cross oceans and cultures.

Sometimes the ache for loved ones and "home" is so acute that you wonder if it's worth the costs. But that is the way of life for many of us living in the present and those in generations past and in generations to come.  How wonderful indeed it would be "to have things otherwise" -- to finally be home and ever be with the ones you love and never ever having to say goodbye again.

But according to his promise we are waiting for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells. Therefore, beloved, since you are waiting for these, be diligent to be found by him without spot or blemish, and at peace. 

2 Peter 13-14

These Inward Trials

Photography by A. Monaco

These Inward Trials

John Newton

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.

‘Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
“‘Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.”

The Kingdom

Pritzker Pavillion, Millenium Park
Photography by A. Monaco

It has been a trying few months battling health issues and a very ugly United Healthcare.

But there was blissful respite this evening as I sat on the lawn of Chicago's Millenium Park, enjoying the last concert of the summer, Elgar's epic oratorio, The Kingdom.  The weather was perfect with a  soft cool breeze drifting through the park as people set down their picnic blankets, chairs, and folding tables under the cloudless blue sky, pulling from their baskets and bags varied foods and drinks, from the sophisticated to the mundane. We had our usual faire of Chicago deep dish pizza, packed with calories and memories of previous happy jaunts to the park during other concert seasons.

The concert soon began - the Grant Park Orchestra and Chorus steering me away from the thick rich pizza with its sublime performance of the prelude.  Dusk stealthily claimed the skyline - the fading light bringing with it a happy calm and contentment, ironic for a city setting packed with hundreds of people.  And as night set in and lights lit up the iconic buildings, accompanied by Elgar's masterful choral composition, I leaned my head on my daughter's shoulder and treasured that moment as I did numerous others when I gathered with family and friends during these charmed summer evening concerts at Millennium Park.

Here is a performance of The Kingdom with Sir Andrew Davis conducting the BBC Symphony Orchestra and Chorus.

In the first book, O Theophilus, I have dealt with all that Jesus began to do and teach, until the day when he was taken up, after he had given commands through the Holy Spirit to the apostles whom he had chosen. He presented himself alive to them after his suffering by many proofs, appearing to them during forty days and speaking about the kingdom of God. And while staying with them he ordered them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the promise of the Father, which, he said, “you heard from me; for John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now.” So when they had come together, they asked him, “Lord, will you at this time restore the kingdom to Israel?” He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” And when he had said these things, as they were looking on, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him out of their sight. And while they were gazing into heaven as he went, behold, two men stood by them in white robes, and said, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into heaven? This Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw him go into heaven.” (‭Acts‬ ‭1‬:‭1-11‬)

He Has His Hands on You

Photography by Lauren Monaco

LIstening to NPR this weekend, I came across a beautiful gospel song that brought much comfort to me.  It reminded me of God's shelter and providence during times of trouble and uncertainty.  I do not normally gravitate towards gospel music, but my husband and daughter introduced me to that world of music and have drawn me in.  My daughter Kathryn was part of a gospel choir at her university, one of a handful non-African Americans in the group.  It was a highlight of her time on campus.

Here is Marvin Sapp singing his composition, He has His Hands on You.  

He sees the tears you cry
He shares your pain inside
And sometimes you wonder why He allows you to go through what you go through
Just know He has His hands on you.

Your days are filled with dark clouds
Even when the sun is out
And from the top of your lungs you shout will there ever be a change, what shall I do
Just know He has His hands on you

He has his hands on you

He says He'll see you through
When you cry He's holding you
So just lift your hands up high
For He will provide
Just know He has his hands on you

Sometimes you feel so alone
Like a child lost with no home
They keep telling you to be strong
But you say when will it end?
When will I win?
But just know He has His hands on you.

He has His hands on you
He says He'll see you through

When you cry He's holding you
So just lift your hands up high
For He will provide
Just know he has his hands on you.

When times are hard and it seems no one can understand
But it's in those times that we, we tend to forget what it means to be in His hands.

He has His hands on you
He says He'll see you through
When you cry He's holding you
So just lift your hands up high
For He will provide 
Just know He has His hands on you.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.

Psalm‬ ‭138‬:‭7-8‬

In Remembrance

Painting by Tong Chin Sye

Singapore has lost a preeminent leader and father figure in Mr. Lee Kuan Yew who died on 23 March 2015, at 91.  His death marks not only the end of an amazingly fruitful life but of a remarkable era.

I was born in 1959, the year Singapore became independent from British rule, the year Lee Kuan Yew and the People's Action Party (PAP) pushed for self-governance.  His governance had shaped my national as well as personal psychic growing up. I have lived away from Singapore for longer than I have lived there, but the qualities that were instilled in me growing up in Lee Kuan Yew's young country as it forged its way against all odds are still alive and strong as I live my life here in the United States.  The emphasis of seeking equality for all people, "regardless of race, language or religion" still loom large in my heart.  The belief that hard work pays off regardless of one's beginnings and the sense of patriotism, loyalty, and implicit trust of authority are hard for me to shake off.  This is because I grew up in a country, though fraught with uncertainties, had a government that  genuinely cared for its people.

Many criticisms had been levied against Mr. Lee, some rightly so, but the man must be credited for doing many things right.  All we have to do is to look at the countries surrounding Singapore.  The contrast is astounding and testifies to his forward thinking policies, strictness, commitment, and love for his nation.  It is nothing short of remarkable that Mr. Lee should be able to inspire a people with such diverse ethnicities and religions to stand and work together to build a nation.  And it is nothing short of a miracle that a country with no natural resources whatsoever, short of its people, should within such a short span of time emerge from the chaos of Japanese Occupation and British rule to become one of the leading nations not only in the region but in the world.

I am grateful to Lee Kuan Yew for having been instrumental in providing me with an excellent education, an education that is equally available to everyone in the country, regardless of race or social standing.  I am grateful for the freedom of religious worship for all--for making it possible for me to worship at my church, for my grandmother to raise her joss-sticks at her temple, for our family friend to pray at his mosque, and for my science teacher to celebrate Deepavali without fear of retribution.  I am even grateful for his oftentimes swift and sometimes harsh crackdown on any hint of dissension that could create civil unrest.  I am grateful for the stable economy that provided ample work for my family and friends; for an economy that thrives on proper legislation and not corruption. I am grateful for the excellent healthcare system that took good care of my grandparents and parents in their twilight years.  I am grateful for the affordable housing that is home to many of my extended family and friends, and now my daughter.  I am grateful for the strict law enforcement that allows us to walk the streets in safety, and the strong military that keeps us secure at home as the neighboring nations contend with ethnic strife and dog us with persistent threats.  All in all, I am grateful to Mr. Lee for governing with such wisdom, benevolence and integrity, thus allowing his countrymen to live with much dignity and security.  Such security and accomplishments should never be taken for granted.

Mr. Lee's death brings to mind the end of a generation that had witnessed a horrific World War and self-centered colonial rule--a hardworking, long-suffering generation that took neither national security nor any achievement for granted.  Along with Mr. Lee and my parents, the majority of that generation has passed on; there are few that are left to remind us of the struggles of the early years of independence when Singapore could have easily gone communist or imploded with ethnic or religious strife. But instead, it thrived and grew beyond expectations because of the dedication, intelligence, foresight and passion of men and women like Lee Kuan Yew, whose love for country and countrymen took precedence.

Singaporeans from all walks of life grieve the death of Lee Kuan Yew, thousands braving the hot sun, standing in line for hours to pay their last respects.  Their devotion and sorrow are palpable.  They have lost not only a great leader, but a father figure. The difference between Lee Kuan Yew and other world leaders, I believe, is that he led his people not so much like a politician but like a father, a very strict but devoted father.  He had poured his life into his country and his people know it and feel the urgency of his care.

My hope for Singapore is that the qualities that Lee Kuan Yew and his generation had exhibited and  instilled in my generation, of dedication, hard work, equality, ethnic and religious freedoms will live on for many generations to come.  That honest, righteous, and fair legislation will continue to rule the day and not be corrupted by the influx of the super wealthy and the contradictory cultural norms of recent immigrants.
                           
I thank God that He was gracious to this tiny country by molding a man to become its leader during its crucial formative years, to provide Singapore with Lee Kuan Yew to lead and govern with wisdom, compassion, integrity, and equity.

Proverbs 20:6-8

6 Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love,
    but a faithful man who can find?
7 The righteous who walks in his integrity—
    blessed are his children after him!
8 A king who sits on the throne of judgment
    winnows all evil with his eyes.

Proverbs 14:34

Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people.

An Afternoon with a Beloved Professor

Painting by Charles Rennie Mackintosh

I attended a luncheon recently that featured Dr. Sinclair Ferguson as its keynote speaker.  Dr. Ferguson was my Systematic Theology professor back in the day.  I had him for the Intro class, Doctrine of God, Doctrine of Man, and even Doctrine of the Church.  What a privilege it was to study under him. He is a God-fearing, brilliant theologian with a big warm pastoral heart.  A rare combination!  It was a joy to see him that afternoon, to sit once again, even for so short a time, under his profound tutelage.

His message that afternoon gave me much to ponder, as do many of his teachings. He taught out of Romans 8:29-29, a very familiar passage on the surface yet packed with nuggets of truth that would take a long time to mine.  It is a passage ever so crucial to our Christian walk.

Here are some nuggets that stood out to me this time.  I am weaving some of my own reflection into Dr. Ferguson's teaching, so not all that I am about to write is what he said at the lecture.

In v. 31, the Apostle Paul asked "What then shall we say to these things?"  This first interrogative pronoun What is then followed by a string of the interrogative pronoun Who.  Who can be against us? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect?  Who is to condemn? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  I don't know about you, but I had not given the Who much thought before, concentrating more on the list of terrible circumstances like tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, danger, sword.

Who then is the Who?  Satan is the obvious answer.  Because we are so entrenched in our material world, it is easy to forget that there are forces in the invisible world hard at work to bring about either good and evil.  I think if we were more mindful of how much is going on in the invisible realm, we would be more grateful for the good that surrounds us, and less taken by surprise by the evil that confronts us.  In this passage, we are reminded that we have an enemy who is perniciously out to  destroy the enjoyment and assurance of our life in Christ.  He will throw at us distressful and painful circumstances to try to undermine our assurance of Christ's love.  But we are to remember that in all our trials and sorrows, we are more than conquerors through our Lord Jesus who loves us immensely as to die for us.  Our ability to triumph over our sorrows and hardships does not come from our own inner strength but through Him who loves us.  Nothing, absolutely nothing, can ever separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.  Instead, all things, even the wiles of Satan, are being worked  together for the good of those who love God and are called by him for his purpose (v 28).  And the "good" according to Dr. Ferguson is that we are being transformed to be like our Lord Jesus.

I have often taken the phrase "all things work together for good" in v. 28 to mean that God will work  all things out for good in the end, maybe not in my lifetime, but in the life to come or when Jesus returns.  For instance, all injustices will be put right in the end. I am currently working on a short story exploring that concept.  I certainly believe there is much truth in that.  It certainly gives us hope when we see evil triumphing.  However, to think of  all things working out for good  as first and foremost being transformed to be like Jesus is a new take to the verse for me. But if you really think about it,  it makes good sense.  Isn't to be molded like Jesus the ultimate "good" for all believers?  All else pales and appears temporal in light of our being changed to be like our wonderful Big Brother (the firstborn among many brothers/sisters).

I leave you now with this important question:  Do you, do I, really want to be transformed to be like our Lord Jesus?  Let us seriously think about that and not be satisfied with the expected surface  answer.

Romans 8:31-39

³¹ What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? ³³ Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? ³⁶ As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, ³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Inspector Morse

Painting of Keble College, Oxford, by W Manhison

My all time favorite television series is Inspector Morse.  Loved it all  those twenty years ago when it first came on at PBS; love it still as I watch the episodes all over again on Netflix (eyesight and energy permitting).  I do like detective series in general and have watched quite a few, both British and American, through the years (preferring the British over the American); none however can top Inspector Morse.  The acting is incredible; the characters captivating (soulful, elitist and surly Chief Inspector Morse, juxtaposed by loyal, down-to-earth, affable Detective Sargent Lewis); the setting delightful (Oxford with all its history, academic prowess, and quintessential English decor); and the music magnificent, composed of mostly arias. The writing is beyond compare--the intricate plots keep me guessing with their many twists and turns; but my oh my, the insight into the motives and darkness of human heart is brilliant!

Here's Maria Callas singing  "Senza Mamma" from Puccini's "Suor Angelica"--an aira you might hear on Inspector Morse as the brooding inspector drives to crime scenes in his vintage red Jaguar or relaxes on his sofa, working on his crossword puzzles in his comfortably decorated drawing room.

You felt secure in your wickedness,
    you said, “No one sees me”;
your wisdom and your knowledge led you astray,
and you said in your heart,
    “I am, and there is no one besides me.”

But evil shall come upon you,
    which you will not know how to charm away;
disaster shall fall upon you,
    for which you will not be able to atone;
and ruin shall come upon you suddenly,
    of which you know nothing.

Isaiah 47:10-11

I Am with You Wherever You Go

Painting by Abraham van Strij

The beginning of each year brings about a certain trepidation to my naturally anxious heart.  I don't know what awaits me or my loved ones in the year to come.  I know it will have its fair share of happiness and disappointments as that is just the way of life.  What I fear most, however, are the big challenges - the unexpected tragedies, the formidable twists of life.  

And then I cloak myself with God's promise and assurance that He is with me wherever I go.  God Almighty, Creator and Sustainer of heaven and earth; loving Shepherd who gathers his lambs in his arms and carries them in his bosom; my Strength and my Shield; my Heavenly Father who spared not His Son but gave him up for me - it is He who promises to be with me wherever I go. 

And how do I daily cloak myself with God's promise?  By reading His Word - by studying it,  meditating on it and applying it to my daily living.  Then my way will be prosperous and I will have good success.

Chinese New Year will be upon us in about a month, and the words prosperity and success are auspicious words -- already adorning cards, banners, foods, etc; often etched in gold or red lettering.  Wealth and promotion in life are usually what these words evoke in this context.  But in the context of Scripture, one's ways are prosperous and successful when life is lived in the context of God's commands, facing the daily challenges of life with His strength and His integrity.

So whatever awaits me, even the formidable twists of life, I will have good success because God's Word is imprinted in my heart and God is with me wherever I go.

Come journey with me this year, by reading (or listening) to the Bible, and taking a passage or two to meditate on each day so that your way also will be prosperous and you also will have good success!

⁸ This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. ⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 4:8-9

Fish Ball Noodles

My aunt and I have been keeping up through WhatsApp.  She was out having lunch with some friends yesterday, probably at some food court in Singapore.  She sent me a picture of fish ball noodles and asked if I missed it.  Yes, I whatsApped her back, I miss having those flavorful noodles with those delectable fish balls!  I also asked if she remembers how my mom used to give me most of her fish balls whenever she ordered that noodle dish.  I can still see it in my mind's eye, my mother  picking up the fish balls one by one with  her chopsticks and putting them on my plate.  She would invariably say that fish balls were not her favorite or that she could have fish balls any day, and that I should enjoy them when I can.  But I knew it's because she knew how much I love fish balls.  I didn't resist her gesture of giving up her fish balls, but accepted each fish ball as coming to me shaped and packed densely with her love.

More than fish balls, I miss the fish balls that came to me from my mother's bowl.

Hear, my son, your father's instruction,
    and forsake not your mother's teaching,

for they are a graceful garland for your head
    and pendants for your neck.  

Proverbs 6:8-9

Making Absolute What God Has Left Relative

Painting by Kenneth Rowntree

"It is an error for Christians to make relative what God has made absolute.  But it is equally an error for Christians to make absolute what God has left relative." - Os Guinness

I tend to agree with Os Guinness that there is no one Christian form of politics, just as there is no one form of poetry, raising a family, running an economy, pursuing a career, or planning a retirement, etc.  He goes on to say that many ways are definitely not Christian, but no one way alone is.  Like him, I am especially wary of organizations, be they political or social, that tout that they are doing things God's way, for when they blunder, as all humans are apt to do, and let their own ego and interests come in the way and fail to serve Christ's end, they will not only damage the reputation of the church but the head of the church, the Lord Jesus.  They also have the potential of corrupting the Gospel, of shifting our focus from the absolute allegiance to Christ alone by faith and dependence on the Holy Spirit for our growth to an additional identification with "Christians" of a certain political or social persuasion. 
 

I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel—not that there is another one, but there are some who trouble you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. ⁸ But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed. ⁹ As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed. 

Galatians 1:6-9

A Time to Contemplate

Fisherman's Cottage by Harald Sohlberg

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom...Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days...Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands! (Psalm 90:12, 14, 17)

In April 2012, I was diagnosed with musK myasthenia gravis, a neuro-muscular, auto immune disorder that greatly compromised the strength of my voluntary muscles. Without treatment, I would be feeling tired and weak all the time—seeing double, having difficulty keeping my eyelids up, swallowing, walking, holding my head, speaking, and breathing.  The first symptom of double vision manifested itself in November 2011, soon to be followed by others, one after another.  In the months prior to proper diagnosis and treatment, I was quite afraid, not knowing what to expect as the muscles of my body shut down one after another.

Since the medication kicked in, I have been able to function better, some days better than others. When I am feeling well, I forget (and let those around me forget) that I have this chronic illness, and that I am artificially propped up by steroids.  I did not want MG to define me, determined to live life as normally as I had been, adamant about not letting it limit me.

Lately, however, I am beginning to question the wisdom of it all.  Yes, MG does not define me, but like it or not, it is as much a part of who I am now as my age, ethnicity, marital status, etc. As a married woman, for example, my lifestyle is different from that of a single woman in many respects. As someone living with MG, why do I think I could live life like I used to? Or worse, live life like others who are in good health?  Instead of battling my new status, I need to learn to embrace it with grace.  It will hopefully cut down on the lament and the envy. 

It is in accepting the limits that this sickness has set on me that I can begin to live life fully within its constraints.  It will not be the life I used to have as I am no longer the physically healthy me. But I can become a better me by accepting and living within my new limitations.  There will be times I will disappoint those around me, especially myself, because we live in a world that values outward accomplishment and activity, both of which will now be much curtailed for me.

Living with MG happily allows me to lead a more contemplative life. The need to close my eyes throughout the day provides me with time to think and especially to pray.  Because of my limited energy, I am now forced to eliminate or restrict unnecessary activities and concerns.  To conserve the strength of my eyes, I learn to rely more on my ears--to listen to the Bible, to books like Middlemarch read by Juliet Stevenson, to sermons by Sinclair Ferguson and Tim Keller, and to the great music of Chopin, Rachmaninoff, and Schubert.  Though my voice may sound crackly and my words garbled at times, I can still laugh (though crookedly) and jibber-jabber with family and friends (maybe not for long nor with as much wit!).

And above all, the constant need to rest assures me of time alone with my God, to come to him for love, respite, comfort, and strength...to reach up to my Heavenly Father for his warm, loving embrace throughout the day!

I say, that sounds to me like a pretty full and special way to live!
 

It's all about me!

Painting by Harald Sohlberg

"Our selfishness knows no bounds.  In more or less naïve self-love we look upon everything in our environment with which we come in contact as our agencies, as things which exist for our sakes, something for us to make use of and utilize to our own advantage. We think and act as though everything, inanimate things, plants, animals, human beings, even our own souls, were created for the purpose of bringing gratification to our selfish desires.

And we make no exception of God.

As soon as we encounter him, we immediately look upon him as another means of gaining our own ends. Natural persons in their relation to God have this one purpose more or less consciously in mind: How can I, in the best way, make use of God for my own personal advantage? How can I make him serve me best now, in the future and throughout all eternity?

Natural persons look upon prayer, too, in this light. How can I make use of prayer to the greatest possible advantage for myself? This is the reason why the natural person seldom finds that it pays to pray regularly to God. It requires too much effort, takes too much time and is on the whole impractical, for the simple reason that one even forgets to pray.

But when the same person gets into trouble in one form or another and cannot help themselves or get help from anybody else, then they think that it might pay to pray to God. They then pray to him incessantly, often crying aloud in their distress.

And when God does not put himself at their disposal immediately and answer them, they are not only surprised, but disappointed and offended, deeply offended.

Why should there be a God, if he is not at the disposal of those who need him? That God should exist for any purpose then to satisfy people's selfish desires  does not even occur to such people.

Many are they after an experience of this kind are forever done with prayer. When you cannot get what you ask for, and in times of great need even ask for imploringly, why should you pray?"       

from Prayer by Ole Hallesby
 

The above passage by Norwegian theologian, Ole Hallesby, caused me to pause.  Throughout the day, how often do I consciously or unconsciously try to manipulate other people and things, let alone God, for my own personal advantage?  Even with such a lofty endeavor as praying, I often loom big, making God small.  Not your will, O Lord, but my will be done!

Pray Earnestly

Jean Francois Millet, The Gleaners, 1857

Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.” 

Matthew 9:37-38

I woke up this morning thinking of this verse and have been mulling over it since.  I am not so much dwelling on the part about the harvest being plentiful but that section on prayer.  Notice that Jesus  said "...therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest."   He did not say "...therefore go send out laborers into the harvest."  Don't you think, more often than not, that we go about our activities (especially supposedly Christian activities), planning on how things should get done, then carrying them out, and along the way quickly whispering a prayer, using it like a lucky charm so that the things we have planned will go well?  We are more inclined to plan, do and then maybe pray.  In complete reversal of what Jesus is teaching in this passage. Think about it, how many times have we heard this passage used as an endorsement to send out Christian workers, emphasizing on the sending and not even touching on the praying!

I wonder what it would be like if when I see a need or have a concern that I first pray earnestly to the Lord of the situation to send his help into the situation...to pray earnestly and patiently seek his will.  I have to admit that it would be quite hard for me to do.  Quite counter-intuitive.  But I can certainly start by praying earnestly for the Holy Spirit to work that mindset so taught by our Lord Jesus into my being.

A Tribute

Vermeer's The Concert, 1665

Our very dear friend Lois Nielson died two weeks ago.  She was 91.  She lived such a full and abundant life, committing herself unreservedly to her calling, touching so many with her love and dedication that despite the advanced age, it still felt like an untimely death to all who knew her.  She was musically and pedagogically gifted (training pianists for 71 of her 91 years, including our daughter Kathryn), possessed of a brilliant and curious mind, a sharp eye for things beautiful, and a magnanimous heart that beat passionately for her family, friends, students...and above all her God.

She was a woman who exuded beauty, and her memorial service aptly captured that beauty.  Hers was the kind of beauty that I can only describe as transcendent.  It is because she (and her memorial service) pointed to the ultimate Beauty, her Lord Jesus Christ.  The music at her memorial service lifted hearts heavenward, the eulogies and Scripture readings moved the mourners to seek more urgently the God who had  transformed her into the incredible, unforgettable woman that she was; it was a most suitable tribute to how she lived her life.  In death, as in life, Lois Nielson pointed and gave praise to her Lord and Redeemer!

Here is  Alex McDonald playing Chopin Nocturne in C Minor, Op. 48, No. 1.  Alex was a student of Mrs. Nielson, a 2014 Van Cliburn Competition finalist; he lovingly performed this transcendent piece at her memorial service.

I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 

John 10: 10b

One thing have I asked of the Lord,
    that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
    and to inquire in his temple.

Psalm 27:4 

Class of 2014

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. . . . It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that gives value to survival.”  - CS Lewis

Our youngest graduated from Northwestern a week ago.  We had a lovely time celebrating.  The university did a fantastic job with the general commencement, the individual school convocations, and receptions. We even enjoyed listening to the commencement speeches, the main address being delivered by Ricardo Muti, renowned conductor and music director of the Chicago Symphony.  He was amiable and funny at times, encouraging the graduates to make connections on a more personal basis.  I detect a thread running through the various talks from Muti, to President Shapiro, to Weinberg convocation speaker Daniel Pink, of spurring the graduates on to cherish and maintain personal connections.  These young people have grown up in the digital age, where "friends" are made through Facebook and "conversations" reduced to phrases by texting.

We are delighted that our daughter, though savvy of the ways of social media, has made many real and lasting friendships in her four years at Northwestern, the old-fashioned way.  We got to meet many of these friends.  She and her friends organized cookouts and get-togethers during commencement week for the families to get to know them.  We so enjoyed meeting these young people -- all of them warm, sincere, thoughtful and unpretentious -- which speaks well of our child.

I hope our daughter and her friends will not only strive to keep up their friendships but make the effort to establish new ones as they enter the next phase of their lives.  Friendship, after all, borrowing CS Lewis' sentiment, is what will give value to all that they venture out to do.

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.

John 15:16 

Fall is in the Air!

Church of Old Lyme by Childe Hassam

Fall has finally descended on Dallas!  It is time to pull out the sweaters.  How delightful to wake up to crisp fall air and warm fall memories this morning.  My favorite memories are mostly centered around our time in Fairfield County, Connecticut, where the air surrounding our Wilton home was fresh, crisp and musty all at the same time with striking fall leaves covering our two-acre land.  In mid-afternoon, with our youngest who was then a toddler bundled up in layers of sweaters, topped with a knitted cap (a cute round ball as her father affectionately called her), we would head out to our massive front yard to rake leaves and wait for the school bus to bring home our kindergartener.  How we looked forward to the yellow automotive pulling up to our driveway and our pint-sized child with her lollipop-colored glasses and her too-big backpack alighting the bus, her little legs carrying her swiftly down the long driveway into my arms for a big snuggly hug.  Hot chocolate, warm cookies and apples soon followed in our dated flower-wallpapered kitchen with earnest chatter of our day.

I was a much more enthusiastic cook then and our kitchen in the fall was often suffused with the smells of pumpkin bread or apple pie or pot roast in the oven, or a hearty stew or soup on the stove, not to mention the scent of cinnamon on just about everything!

Thanksgiving was a big affair at our home in Connecticut as my parents (who often stayed long enough for the holiday and before the first snowfall) and my husband's family (who lived across  the border in Westchester, New York) and international friends gathered around the table for a stupendous meal.  Everyone contributed to the meal with my mother helping with the turkey, my mother-in-law with the side dishes, and Aunt Diane with cheesecake and Italian cookies.  I would serve an Italian appetizer before the turkey meal, one year making calzone, another seafood lasagne.  I did usually go crazy with the dessert, one year we had as many as six different kinds of dessert on the table, including a hummingbird cake!  This adopted holiday is by far my favorite holiday and I would reckon my parents' as well.

Psalm 37:3-4

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
    dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

A Better Story

Painting by Norman Rockwell

I recently read a promotional blurb on a book that got me a little riled up.  It goes something like this:  "...when the credits roll in your life, are people going to think your story sucked? If there’s any chance of that happening, read this book and start living a better story."

Seriously?  In the first place, when the credits roll in my life, what other people think about it, whether it sucked or not, will be the least of my concerns.  And why are there people standing around judging if other people's lives sucked (such a grating word, by the way) in the first place?  Are they not busy enough living and appreciating their own lives?

I did go on to read the book as it was recommended to me, on a loan, I might add.  The book, thankfully, is less arrogant and less condescending than the promotion.  The author, a single man in his 40s, gave some good insights, but was eschewed towards promoting life's "better stories" as introducing inciting incidences like biking across the country, starting a mentoring program, hiking the Inca trail in Peru, inviting world leaders into your home, etc.

That is all very exciting and commendable.  And I know people who live such intriguing lives and I do find their stories appealing and exciting.  Maybe I am just not one to be impressed with showiness in lifestyle or personality for at the end of the day, the people whose life stories I find the most compelling are the ones who have very "uninteresting" stories to tell.  They will never be recognized for starting any programs, for dining with world leaders, for living and traveling to remote locales, or for writing books telling others how to live their lives...They just live their quiet lives filled with love for what they do and especially for the people who fill their lives.  They do not feel the need to feed their lives with inciting incidences but instead make their lot as "exciting" as possible.  They are the ones who wake up in the morning, content with their lot:  grateful to go to work; hold their babies; call their loved ones; write an encouraging note; pray; contribute time and money without ever being recognized by anyone, let alone world leaders; clean bathrooms; give a smile; listen; hold a hand; cook a meal, etc.
 
I think we can all start "living a better story" right where we are now by filling our very ordinary days with love and gratitude for what we do have instead of looking for the next inciting incidence.  If we can't appreciate the work we have at hand and love the people who now fill our lives, what makes us think that we will enjoy drilling for water in Africa or loving the destitute in Indonesia?  We will carry the same discontent wherever we go and to whomever who meet.  If you can't be generous, love and sacrifice for your family and friends at hand, you will not be able to do so with strangers in faraway lands.

Don't get me wrong, I am not against starting mentoring programs or biking across America, but pursuing such endeavors does no equate to living a better story than living a seemingly "mundane" life  with a grateful attitude and loving the people around you.  Not many of us have such privileged lives that we can take time off from our responsibilities to hike the Inca trail

I want to salute my octogenarian friend Lois who spent the past 50 years of her life teaching piano, loving and encouraging the students who sat at her piano bench; my other octogenarian friend Catherine whose eyesight though dim spends her day praying fervently for her family and friends; for my mailman in Winchester who always delivered our mail with a smile (and once in a Santa suit); for my daughter's school bus driver Mr. Ephraim in Wilton who made sure she was never let off the bus unless we were at the driveway to collect her; to my friends who mentor one-on-one, teach bible studies to the blind, make the effort to encourage a friend, take in an ailing friend, love their families...all very ordinary people, living very ordinary lives but with so much love for what they do and the people they do it for.

I Corinthians 13: 1-3

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³ If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,^[a] but have not love, I gain nothing.

The Pianist of Willesden Lane

August Renoir:  Two Young Girls at the Piano, 1892

Our daughter Lauren treated us to the play "The Pianist of Willesden Lane" at the Royal George Theatre in Chicago this past week.  It was a moving one-woman poignant tribute by concert pianist Mona Golebek to her mother's harrowing experience during WWII.  It traces the life of Lisa Jura as a young talented, aspiring musician as she played the piano through the turmoil and adversity of the Holocaust.  Golebek interspersed her theatrical  performance with her own stirring piano performances of well-loved music by Grieg, Chopin, Rachmaninov, Beethoven and Debussy. 

As I sat mesmerized by the exquisite music as it weaved through the tale of survival, I was once again reminded of the crucial role fine arts plays in our humanity.  In this case, music helped Lisa Jura survive the darkest of times as she sought to carry out her own mother's parting charge to hold on to her music as she was swept up in the Kindertransport to London.  (Her parents later perished in Auschwitz.)

I don't think my father was trying to be high-brow when he guided my brothers and me to appreciate the fine arts, for it is in the realm of great music, art, and literary works that we are catapulted from the ordinary to the extraordinary.

Here's a little preview of "The Pianist of Willesden Lane".

Psalm 71: 22-23

²² I will also praise you with the harp
    for your faithfulness, O my God;
I will sing praises to you with the lyre,
    O Holy One of Israel.
²³ My lips will shout for joy,
    when I sing praises to you;
    my soul also, which you have redeemed.