These Inward Trials

Photography by A. Monaco

These Inward Trials

John Newton

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.

‘Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
“‘Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.”

The Kingdom

Pritzker Pavillion, Millenium Park
Photography by A. Monaco

It has been a trying few months battling health issues and a very ugly United Healthcare.

But there was blissful respite this evening as I sat on the lawn of Chicago's Millenium Park, enjoying the last concert of the summer, Elgar's epic oratorio, The Kingdom.  The weather was perfect with a  soft cool breeze drifting through the park as people set down their picnic blankets, chairs, and folding tables under the cloudless blue sky, pulling from their baskets and bags varied foods and drinks, from the sophisticated to the mundane. We had our usual faire of Chicago deep dish pizza, packed with calories and memories of previous happy jaunts to the park during other concert seasons.

The concert soon began - the Grant Park Orchestra and Chorus steering me away from the thick rich pizza with its sublime performance of the prelude.  Dusk stealthily claimed the skyline - the fading light bringing with it a happy calm and contentment, ironic for a city setting packed with hundreds of people.  And as night set in and lights lit up the iconic buildings, accompanied by Elgar's masterful choral composition, I leaned my head on my daughter's shoulder and treasured that moment as I did numerous others when I gathered with family and friends during these charmed summer evening concerts at Millennium Park.

Here is a performance of The Kingdom with Sir Andrew Davis conducting the BBC Symphony Orchestra and Chorus.

In the first book, O Theophilus, I have dealt with all that Jesus began to do and teach, until the day when he was taken up, after he had given commands through the Holy Spirit to the apostles whom he had chosen. He presented himself alive to them after his suffering by many proofs, appearing to them during forty days and speaking about the kingdom of God. And while staying with them he ordered them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the promise of the Father, which, he said, “you heard from me; for John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now.” So when they had come together, they asked him, “Lord, will you at this time restore the kingdom to Israel?” He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” And when he had said these things, as they were looking on, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him out of their sight. And while they were gazing into heaven as he went, behold, two men stood by them in white robes, and said, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into heaven? This Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw him go into heaven.” (‭Acts‬ ‭1‬:‭1-11‬)

He Has His Hands on You

Photography by Lauren Monaco

LIstening to NPR this weekend, I came across a beautiful gospel song that brought much comfort to me.  It reminded me of God's shelter and providence during times of trouble and uncertainty.  I do not normally gravitate towards gospel music, but my husband and daughter introduced me to that world of music and have drawn me in.  My daughter Kathryn was part of a gospel choir at her university, one of a handful non-African Americans in the group.  It was a highlight of her time on campus.

Here is Marvin Sapp singing his composition, He has His Hands on You.  

He sees the tears you cry
He shares your pain inside
And sometimes you wonder why He allows you to go through what you go through
Just know He has His hands on you.

Your days are filled with dark clouds
Even when the sun is out
And from the top of your lungs you shout will there ever be a change, what shall I do
Just know He has His hands on you

He has his hands on you

He says He'll see you through
When you cry He's holding you
So just lift your hands up high
For He will provide
Just know He has his hands on you

Sometimes you feel so alone
Like a child lost with no home
They keep telling you to be strong
But you say when will it end?
When will I win?
But just know He has His hands on you.

He has His hands on you
He says He'll see you through

When you cry He's holding you
So just lift your hands up high
For He will provide
Just know he has his hands on you.

When times are hard and it seems no one can understand
But it's in those times that we, we tend to forget what it means to be in His hands.

He has His hands on you
He says He'll see you through
When you cry He's holding you
So just lift your hands up high
For He will provide 
Just know He has His hands on you.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.

Psalm‬ ‭138‬:‭7-8‬

Inspector Morse

Painting of Keble College, Oxford, by W Manhison

My all time favorite television series is Inspector Morse.  Loved it all  those twenty years ago when it first came on at PBS; love it still as I watch the episodes all over again on Netflix (eyesight and energy permitting).  I do like detective series in general and have watched quite a few, both British and American, through the years (preferring the British over the American); none however can top Inspector Morse.  The acting is incredible; the characters captivating (soulful, elitist and surly Chief Inspector Morse, juxtaposed by loyal, down-to-earth, affable Detective Sargent Lewis); the setting delightful (Oxford with all its history, academic prowess, and quintessential English decor); and the music magnificent, composed of mostly arias. The writing is beyond compare--the intricate plots keep me guessing with their many twists and turns; but my oh my, the insight into the motives and darkness of human heart is brilliant!

Here's Maria Callas singing  "Senza Mamma" from Puccini's "Suor Angelica"--an aira you might hear on Inspector Morse as the brooding inspector drives to crime scenes in his vintage red Jaguar or relaxes on his sofa, working on his crossword puzzles in his comfortably decorated drawing room.

You felt secure in your wickedness,
    you said, “No one sees me”;
your wisdom and your knowledge led you astray,
and you said in your heart,
    “I am, and there is no one besides me.”

But evil shall come upon you,
    which you will not know how to charm away;
disaster shall fall upon you,
    for which you will not be able to atone;
and ruin shall come upon you suddenly,
    of which you know nothing.

Isaiah 47:10-11

A Saturday in Fall

Painting by Fairfield Porter

Fall is in the air!  The morning was crisp and overcast when we walked to the farmers' market in Lincoln Park.  Pumpkins, squash, gourds, sweet potatoes, pomegranates, apples of various varieties filled the baskets, with jugs of apple cider calling from several stands. 

The heat in the apartment kicked on in the afternoon.  The radiators banged and hissed, emanating warmth and coziness within these paneled walls.  My daughter Lauren is making dinner - the smell of chicken and potatoes roasting in the oven blended well with the inviting scent of heat, making the alcove where I am writing quite idyllic.

Here is Itzhak Pearlman playing Schubert's Serenade for this restful Saturday afternoon.

There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment? 

Ecclesiastes 2:24-25

A Tribute

Vermeer's The Concert, 1665

Our very dear friend Lois Nielson died two weeks ago.  She was 91.  She lived such a full and abundant life, committing herself unreservedly to her calling, touching so many with her love and dedication that despite the advanced age, it still felt like an untimely death to all who knew her.  She was musically and pedagogically gifted (training pianists for 71 of her 91 years, including our daughter Kathryn), possessed of a brilliant and curious mind, a sharp eye for things beautiful, and a magnanimous heart that beat passionately for her family, friends, students...and above all her God.

She was a woman who exuded beauty, and her memorial service aptly captured that beauty.  Hers was the kind of beauty that I can only describe as transcendent.  It is because she (and her memorial service) pointed to the ultimate Beauty, her Lord Jesus Christ.  The music at her memorial service lifted hearts heavenward, the eulogies and Scripture readings moved the mourners to seek more urgently the God who had  transformed her into the incredible, unforgettable woman that she was; it was a most suitable tribute to how she lived her life.  In death, as in life, Lois Nielson pointed and gave praise to her Lord and Redeemer!

Here is  Alex McDonald playing Chopin Nocturne in C Minor, Op. 48, No. 1.  Alex was a student of Mrs. Nielson, a 2014 Van Cliburn Competition finalist; he lovingly performed this transcendent piece at her memorial service.

I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 

John 10: 10b

One thing have I asked of the Lord,
    that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
    and to inquire in his temple.

Psalm 27:4 

The Pianist of Willesden Lane

August Renoir:  Two Young Girls at the Piano, 1892

Our daughter Lauren treated us to the play "The Pianist of Willesden Lane" at the Royal George Theatre in Chicago this past week.  It was a moving one-woman poignant tribute by concert pianist Mona Golebek to her mother's harrowing experience during WWII.  It traces the life of Lisa Jura as a young talented, aspiring musician as she played the piano through the turmoil and adversity of the Holocaust.  Golebek interspersed her theatrical  performance with her own stirring piano performances of well-loved music by Grieg, Chopin, Rachmaninov, Beethoven and Debussy. 

As I sat mesmerized by the exquisite music as it weaved through the tale of survival, I was once again reminded of the crucial role fine arts plays in our humanity.  In this case, music helped Lisa Jura survive the darkest of times as she sought to carry out her own mother's parting charge to hold on to her music as she was swept up in the Kindertransport to London.  (Her parents later perished in Auschwitz.)

I don't think my father was trying to be high-brow when he guided my brothers and me to appreciate the fine arts, for it is in the realm of great music, art, and literary works that we are catapulted from the ordinary to the extraordinary.

Here's a little preview of "The Pianist of Willesden Lane".

Psalm 71: 22-23

²² I will also praise you with the harp
    for your faithfulness, O my God;
I will sing praises to you with the lyre,
    O Holy One of Israel.
²³ My lips will shout for joy,
    when I sing praises to you;
    my soul also, which you have redeemed.

Pollini and Muti

 Painting by Edouard Vuillard: Window overlooking the Woods

Apparently, Maurizio Pollini will be performing with the Chicago Symphony late April.  I wish I could be here for it - other than being confident it will be a superb performance, it'll be wonderful to treat my girls to the collaboration of two of their grandfather's favorite musicians, pianist Pollini and conductor Riccardo Muti.  Interestingly, they are both Italian, both graduates of the Giuseppe Verdi Music Conservatory in Milan.


 The piece they will be collaborating on April 25-27 is Mozart Piano Concerto No. 21.  Another wonderful composition that will be showcased is Schumann Symphony No. 3 (Rhenish), as well as Beethoven's Consecration of the House Overture and Mendelssohn's Calm Sea and Prosperous Voyage Overture.  A pretty good lineup, I would say.

 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. 

James 1: 16

Wistful

Painting by Claude Monet

My youngest is in Europe now; having backpacked through Spain, Italy and Greece, she's now in Paris to start her fall term.   Today's cool fall weather and this soulful music by Ennio Morricone make me wistful for her.  She has been selected to blog about her study abroad experience in Paris;  here's her first blog post.

Happy Father's Day

 

My father ‘s most quoted verse from the bible is Apostle Paul’s words in 1 Timothy 1:15, “This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief."  No one needed to convince my dad that he was a sinner.  More than anyone I know, he was  most acutely aware of his sinful state, very much in need of a Savior.  For that, he was one of the humblest, kindest, most forgiving, generous and loving persons I know.  According to Jesus in Luke 7 about the woman who anointed his feet, that her sins, which were many, were forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.

Missing you, Pops, this Father’s Day!

Here's Sarah Chang playing one of my father's favorite violin pieces, Meditation de Thais by Jules Massanet.

O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

 Photography by Lauren Monaco

At church two Sundays ago, our chancel choir sang this beautiful Scottish hymn composed by George Mattheson in 1882.  The lyrics struck a chord with me.

Here's Indelible Grace's version of O Love That Will Not Let Me Go.  The music is peppier than I would like it to be, but it is quite beautiful in its own way.   Take a listen, but more importantly, consider the lyrics together with me.

O LOVE that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O LIGHT that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O JOY that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O CROSS that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

Cinema Paradiso

Yo Yo Ma, courtesy of the Boston Symphony

Keith Lockhart, courtesy of the Brevard Music Center

Chris Botti,courtesy of chrisbotti.com

Two of my favorite musical artists are Yo-Yo Ma and Keith Lockhart. They are not only incredible musicians (is there ever a doubt about their talents?) but they also serve to bring back delightful memories of family outings when our girls were little.

We first heard Yo-Yo Ma live at Carnegie Hall when Lauren was six. It was an afternoon children's concert that Mr. Ma is in the habit of giving to extend music education to the young. I remember watching Lauren, her big eyes taking it all in, glued to his performance and his easy banter with his young audience. On the way home on the train to Connecticut, music to her parents' ears, she told us that she would like to learn to play the cello like Yo-Yo Ma!

When we lived in Winchester, Massachusetts, we would regularly take the girls to performances by the Boston Pops, with its effervescent conductor Keith Lockhart. His energy (and youth at the time) so captivated our girls' imagination. Those were such memorable family excursions, not only of the performances themselves, but the exploration of the magnificent city as the four of us made our way across town from where we parked our car at the Public Gardens to Symphony Hall. How precious were those family times, and how gracious of God to allow us such happiness.

I now leave you with this soulful rendition of Cinema Paradiso (please click) by Yo-Yo Ma and Chris Botti together with the Boston Pops and conductor Keith Lockhart. Although Chris Botti is not part of our family collective memory, he has become one of my favorite artists, since first hearing him on a PBS special. He has unequivocally altered how I look at the trumpet and jazz! Enjoy!

Mon coeur s'ouvre a ta voix

Painting by Gerard van Honthorst (1615)

It's my husband's birthday today. He so enjoys going to the opera. Since we can't go to one at the moment, here's Olga Borodina singing the moving aria Mon coeur s'ouvre a ta voix from Camille Saint-Saëns' opera, Samson and Delilah, to commemorate his birthday. And Elina Garanca giving an equally moving performance of the aria.

Happy Birthday, dear! Enjoy!

Chopin

I just spent the morning listening to Chopin. The music makes this gorgeous fall morning even more breath-taking. All's well when there are Chopin's nocturnes and concertos!

Here's Mauritzio Pollini, my father's favorite pianist (other than his grand-daughters) playing Nocturne no. 8 op. 27 no. 2 , offering salve for the soul!

Don't you just love this nocturne and Mr. Pollini?

From Chopin to Saint Saens

About this time last year, our daughter Kathryn delighted us with her senior piano recital. Friends are still raving about how elegantly and passionately she rendered each piece. My favorites from the program are Chopin's Nocturne, Opus 9, No. 1 and Saint-Saens Concerto in G Minor, Opus 22. Her recital and her sister's art show were the highlights of the year for me! Kathryn is off to college now; I so miss hearing her daily practice on the piano.