Wistful

Painting by Claude Monet

My youngest is in Europe now; having backpacked through Spain, Italy and Greece, she's now in Paris to start her fall term.   Today's cool fall weather and this soulful music by Ennio Morricone make me wistful for her.  She has been selected to blog about her study abroad experience in Paris;  here's her first blog post.

In Life and In Death

 Photography by A. Monaco

In the last two days, I received news first that my friend, Martha, is dying of lymphoma and then news that my friend Melinda’s son, Michael, is fully recovered of his lymphoma.  The pains of death surround one family; the joys of life suffuse the other.

Both however testify of God’s goodness, mercy, power, and love.  Michael’s mom acknowledges that it is an awesome God who has healed her son, who has eradicated every cancer cell that was in his body.  Martha’s husband tells of a loving God who is sustaining them, of the sense of safety in the arms of Jesus Christ who is bearing them up as Martha's body slowly shuts down. 

Two outcomes to a dreadful disease.  Yet both give thanks to the God they have each come to love and trust in their life journey.  Why?  Because in life and in death, for every Christian, we are the Lord’s.  “For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's.  For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living”  (Romans 14:8-9).

Let us now ponder together the beautiful psalm that Martha and her husband are meditating on this day:

I love the LORD, because He has heard
My voice and my supplications.
Because He has inclined His ear to me,
Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.

The pains of death surrounded me,
And the pangs of Sheol laid hold of me;
I found trouble and sorrow.
Then I called upon the name of the LORD:
“O LORD, I implore You, deliver my soul!”

Gracious is the LORD, and righteous;
Yes, our God is merciful.
The LORD preserves the simple;
I was brought low, and He saved me.

Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.
 

Psalm 116:1-7

In life and in death, can you and I say,  "We are the Lord's"  and “We love the LORD”?

Favorite Food

My favorite Singaporean dish is Seafood Hor Fun.  It's one of my mom's favorites too.  It is readily available in many of the food courts in Singapore.  But my mom and I liked our seafood hor fun best from the Tanglin Club.  The Tanglin Club started off an a private club for British expats during the colonial era but has since evolved to include locals (with many of its starchy rules remaining in effect).  My parents were members for as long as I can remember.  When my father passed away, Mom moved to a smaller space, a condo only a stone's throw from the Tanglin Club.  Whenever my daughters and I visited Singapore, we would  frequent the Club, first with my parents, then with just my mom.  It was like a second home.  The girls spent hours in the pool (they had their first swimming lessons with Mr. Jimmy, a most miserable experience), frequented the library, took Chinese brush paining classes; I worked out at the gym (occasionally); and Mom and I enjoyed afternoon tea on the mezzanine level.  But our favorite spot was the poolside restaurant, partly because it was the most egalitarian--young and old were welcomed--there was no dress code, and the menu offered an international cuisine.  The girls would order their sandwiches, pasta or salads, with a definite side order of fries (one of the best I've had) and Mom and I would delight ourselves with the local dishes like seafood hor fun, Hainanese chicken rice, rojak, or char kway teow.  Mom and the girls would end the meal  with a good selection of desserts from ice-kachang to tiramisu.  With the sun setting and the evening breeze kicking up, we would walk back to the condo, happy as larks to have spent yet another carefree day together at the Tanglin Club.

Those carefree days at the Tanglin Club are behind us now.  But the happy memories are forever etched into our collective memory.  I've never made seafood hor fun; I think it's time to give it a try.  It won't be like Tanglin Club's, and there is no Mom to enjoy it with.   But hopefully it'll taste just as good and every bite evoke sweet moments with Mom.


Recipe for Seafood Hor Fun
Ingredients:
8 oz of broad kway teow (translucent flat rice noodles)
4 slices of fish (seasoned with salt, rinse and rub with a bit of cornflour)
4 medium size shrimp
2 brunches of chye sim (cut into 2 inches long)
6 slices of fish cakes
4 slices of pork (marinate with mixture of half teaspoon of cornflour, 1/4 teaspoon light soya sauce and dash of pepper)
2 teaspoons of minced garlic
1/2 beaten egg
Preserved green chillies (optional)
Mixture A:-
1/2 cup water
3 rounded teaspoons of cornflour
Mixture B:-
1/2 tablespoon of oyster sauce
3/4 tablespoon of light soya sauce
Mixture C:-
1/2 tablespoon of light soya sauce
1 tablespoon of dark soya sauce

Preparation for Kway Teow:-
1) Heat up the wok with 1 1/2 tablespoons of oil.
2) Add 1 teaspoons of minced garlic, stir fry till fragrant.
3) Add kway teow and stir fry in medium heat.
4) Add in ‘Mixture C’ and continue to stir fry.
5) Set aside on plate.
Preparation for Gravy:-
1) Heat up wok with 1 1/2 tablespoons of oil.
2) Add in 1 teaspoons minced garlic, stir fry till fragrant.
3) Add in sliced fish and fish cake and stir fry for a few seconds.
4) Add in chye sim and 1/2 cup of water and leave it to boil.
5) Add in shrimps and stir till 1/2 cooked.
6) Add in ‘Mixture B’ and add pepper.
7) Slowly pour in ‘Mixture A’ until the required thickness.
8) Move all ingredients to side of the wok, and slowly add in 1/2 beaten egg to the gravy.
9) Turn off flame immediately after about 10 seconds, and move all ingredients to the gravy.
10) Pour the gravy over the broad kway teow and serve with preserved green cut chillies.
** Above recipe is for 1 serving.

Happy Father's Day

 

My father ‘s most quoted verse from the bible is Apostle Paul’s words in 1 Timothy 1:15, “This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief."  No one needed to convince my dad that he was a sinner.  More than anyone I know, he was  most acutely aware of his sinful state, very much in need of a Savior.  For that, he was one of the humblest, kindest, most forgiving, generous and loving persons I know.  According to Jesus in Luke 7 about the woman who anointed his feet, that her sins, which were many, were forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.

Missing you, Pops, this Father’s Day!

Here's Sarah Chang playing one of my father's favorite violin pieces, Meditation de Thais by Jules Massanet.

Elijah in the Wilderness

Painting by Lord Frederic Leighton (1830-1896) 

But he (Elijah) went a day's journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.”  1 King 19:4

At my small group bible study not too long ago, we discussed Elijah’s wilderness experience, that part of Elijah’s narrative where he ran for his life from Jezebel who had sworn to kill him if that was the last thing she did. That story has sat with me since. Here’s Elijah, who had just witnessed the spectacular phenomenon of God sending fire from heaven to consume the bull offering set on wood submerged in water, putting to shame the other gods, who in spite of repeated manipulative pleadings by their priests could do nothing to light up their offering set on dry wood. All Elijah had to do was call out to YHWH once, and poof! fire shot down from heaven! Elijah must have felt pretty triumphant, affirmed in his own faith, if not the Israelites’, that YHWH was indeed real and He was powerful beyond measure, and that this great God listened to him. 

Shortly after this mountain top experience, he got wind that Jezebel was out for his life. This big man of God immediately buckled at his knees, cowered, and ran for his life. Granted, Jezebel was one ruthless, brutal queen, but didn’t Elijah know that he himself was one larger-than-life prophet who had the almighty God and His heavenly armies on his side? His fear of Jezebel obviously got the better of him, for off Elijah ran, to the wilderness, sat under a broom tree, felt so sorry for himself that he asked God to take his life. 
 

What struck me first about this story is how gently and kindly God handled him.  If Elijah had bemoaned his fate to me, I would have said, “Come on now Elijah, have you already forgotten what God just did with the fire from heaven?  You couldn’t have witnessed all that and now fret over what a woman could do to you?”  And then I would quote him verses from the Bible like Psalm 56:11 - in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?  Well, good thing Elijah didn’t cry to me but to God!  God did not reprimand him or give him a litany of what it means to trust Him.  Instead God sent an angel to make him a meal!  Doesn’t that just cause you to pause and wonder about this God of Elijah’s?  How gracious and kind and how aware He is not just of the spiritual but the physical and emotional needs of His people.  God’s angel came to bake Elijah a cake!  He made sure Elijah had a good meal and good rest before he was allowed on his long journey to Mt. Horeb to meet God.

I have made the mistake when friends and family come to me to express unhappiness or fear, to jump in with a long lecture about how they should trust God and remember who He is and how well He has taken care of them, etc, etc.  When what I should have done instead was let them express their sorrow, allow them to cry, and make them a special meal or treat them to their favorite restaurant.  No matter how much faith we have, life can get pretty crummy at times.  There are times when we need to remind one another about God’s faithfulness and redemptive power, but I think when fear and sorrow grip us, we should try to give each other the grace to lament, to sob, and to even exaggerate our painful existence.

Which brings me to the next thing I picked up from the wilderness narrative.  After Elijah was well fed and well rested, he took off to Mt. Horeb to meet God.  While at Mt. Horeb, Elijah cried out to God about how he had been zealous for God, how he was the only one left who was faithful while everyone else had forsaken Him.  God again allowed him to lament first, then in a whisper, gave Elijah a list of tasks to accomplish for Him while assuring him that He had 7,000 people who had neither forsaken Him nor succumbed to the worship of the false god Baal.  The common take from this part of the narrative is -- of course Elijah was so crushed and fearful for he didn’t know until then that he was not alone, and that there were all these Israelites who remained faithful to YHWH.  This is what we get when we don’t read the biblical narratives from beginning to end!  For a few chapters before this, we learned that Elijah had run into Obadiah, another faithful man of God, who had told Elijah that he had hid a hundred prophets in caves when Jezebel tried to kill all of YHWH’s prophets.  I am not here trying to implicate Elijah for exaggerating his dilemma, just pointing out that, like Elijah, we often feel forsaken and alone when life gets overwhelming even when we know in reality that that is not the case.   

Hopefully, the next time someone approaches me with her fear, I would remember God’s graciousness and gentleness toward Elijah, and be slow to admonish, quick to listen and empathize, allowing her to exaggerate her fears, seeking first to shore up her strength by  meeting her present physical and emotional needs in offering her some form of “angel food cake!”  

And for all of us, when the Jezebels of this world come after us, let us run to God to hide and weep, He will not spurn us but gently and lovingly restore us like He did with Elijah.

On a side note, we are not told if Jezebel ever caught up with Elijah.  Elijah with renewed strength and assurance carried out what God commanded him to do (there comes a time when wallowing needs to come to an end)  and was duly taken up to heaven in a whirlwind.  Jezebel lived long enough to make life hell for several more people, but died with makeup on and, as prophesied, with her body shredded by dogs!

O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

 Photography by Lauren Monaco

At church two Sundays ago, our chancel choir sang this beautiful Scottish hymn composed by George Mattheson in 1882.  The lyrics struck a chord with me.

Here's Indelible Grace's version of O Love That Will Not Let Me Go.  The music is peppier than I would like it to be, but it is quite beautiful in its own way.   Take a listen, but more importantly, consider the lyrics together with me.

O LOVE that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O LIGHT that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O JOY that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O CROSS that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

Happy Mother's Day

Illustration by Lauren Monaco

To Mom, with love

I learned a lot about life from my mother, and inherited many of her traits.  But one thing that I've not acquired is my mother's gift of conversation.  I come from a family of introverts, except for Mom.  Growing up, we relied on Mom to spice up our dinner conversations, especially when we had company (which was frequent as my parents were exceedingly hospitable people).  Mom was able to keep any conversation going from world events to knitting.  Part of it is she's a woman of strong opinions but she's also one who knew how to ask questions.

But what is most unique about her conversational style is her ease of weaving  quirky Chinese proverbial sayings into her everyday conversations.  They add such vividness and color.  She said she acquired these sayings from her mother and from her  studying of  Chinese proverbs.  None of my aunts throw proverbial sayings into their conversations, so I tend to think this is something uniquely mom.  The pictures created in one's mind from her sayings are quite arresting which made her conversations quite unforgettable.  For example, if she's chiding us for being ignorant, she would say, "You are like a frog at the bottom of a well, never having seen much of the heavens or the sun!"  That certainly had a way of putting us in our place!  Now when I overhear arrogant, ignorant talk, the person is sometimes reduced in my mind to a frog in a well, croaking in the darkness of his limited circumference of a well.

I am not about to weave quirky Chinese proverbs into my everyday conversations any time soon, as I think only Mom can do it well in her unique casual kind of way.  I can however present a sampling of the proverbial sayings she's fond of using.   It will not have the same flavor and richness, and I'll probably do a tortured job with the translation.  Some of these sayings are quite pedestrian and others quite elegant.  Some are easily interpreted while others require some deciphering.

Here they are...

Another version of the frog in a well:
As the summer insect cannot speak of ice, the frog at the bottom of a well should not talk of the heavens.

Trying to drive a dumb man to speak (indicating futile effort)

Those who reject iron cannot make steel

Water at at distance cannot save a fire which is near; a relative afar off is not equal to a neighbor at hand.

Adding flowers to embroidery (presents to the rich)

Sending coal in a snowstorm (timely assistance)

A workman who wishes to do his work well must first sharpen his tools

Not willing to pull out a single hair (stinginess)

A tiger entering a cave, looking in front but disregarding the rear (recklessness)

Distant waters cannot quench present thirst

Fresh flowers stuck on a donkey's head

A man with hare's head and snake's eyes (a devious person)

To nourish what is small at the expense of what is great.

Seven hands, eight feet (clumsiness)

Words as myriad as dog's hair

Taking advantage of a fire to stage a robbery

I end now with my favorite of her sayings:

Before my couch the moonbeams bright
Are like the frost pure and white;
I raise my eyes and see the moon,
I drop them and I think of Home 

I raise my eyes, Mom, and I see the moon.  I drop my eyes, Mom, and I think of you!  Missing you this Mother's Day.