A Good Daughter

Painting by Mary Cassat

It has been a long time since my last post. I have traveled across the world and back, and aged some during that time. My daughters have asked that I be more consistent with my posts (it's encouraging to know that they do read what I write, although they don't necessarily listen to what I say!). Perhaps this should be one of my new year resolutions (posting regularly, that is); but we know how resolutions go!

Two things have preoccupied me since my last post--my mother's health and care and my own health (eye issues). Both circumstances have opened my eyes (yes eyes) and heart to God's power, mercy and kindness. I could write pages declaring His goodness and lessons learned, or more appropriately, lessons being learned. Perhaps writing them down would keep the lessons learned from being forgotten. I think forgetfulness is one of mankind's greatest weaknesses. No wonder God keeps reminding us "to remember!"

One of the things I pride myself in is being a good daughter (as well as being a good wife, a good mother, a good friend, etc, etc). It is a good thing to try to be good in all that I am and do. But even a good thing when self-centered and self-focused is sin because the root of all sinful acts is focusing on self, putting ourselves at the center. Even when I do good things, trying my best to be a good daughter for example, it is often all about me. I went to Singapore and supposedly took "good" care of my mother for a couple of months. My sister-in-law and I worked hard to find an excellent caregiver for my mother. I was barely back in the US for a month before the caregiver decided to quit and we were left with nobody. On top of that, I was struck with double vision that prevented me from going back to make things right. I felt guilty most of all (self-inflicted guilt as well as guilt inflicted by others) for a good daughter would not leave her mother in a lurch. I cried out to God, supposedly in humility, but honestly I was also upset (how could He pull this from under me?). But God is gracious for in spite of my attitude and lack of true humility, He came to my mother's rescue. With a whole host of people praying, we hired a new caregiver (sight unseen) and hoped for the best. Yes, I hoped for the best because I didn't think a good replacement could be found without my being involved! Well, I'm happy to report that I am indeed dispensable in this process as the new caregiver is turning out to be better than the one I picked out and trained! I get no glory in this, and am still regarded by some as the irresponsible daughter who did not go back when she was needed.

I am learning that God loves my mom a whole lot more than I, and can take care of her quite well with or without me. I have a responsibility towards my mom, and when God calls for me to go back and be with her, I must heed. But in the meantime, I am to stop fretting and be amazed at how He, and He alone, is orchestrating her care and how He has gathered her in His arms and carrying her in His bosom (imagery taken from Isaiah 40:11).

Thus says the LORD: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD.” Jeremiah 9:23-24

Chopin

I just spent the morning listening to Chopin. The music makes this gorgeous fall morning even more breath-taking. All's well when there are Chopin's nocturnes and concertos!

Here's Mauritzio Pollini, my father's favorite pianist (other than his grand-daughters) playing Nocturne no. 8 op. 27 no. 2 , offering salve for the soul!

Don't you just love this nocturne and Mr. Pollini?

The Two Sides of God's Mercy

Photography by A. Monaco

I had an "ah-ha" moment last night about divine grace and human responsibility when reading Tim Keller's book, Ministries of Mercy, The Call of the Jericho Road. One mind-boggling teaching of the church for me is how we are saved by God's grace but yet called to work out our salvation. In this book, Keller is not so much addressing this difficult concept but rather the Christian's responsibility of extending justice and mercy. However, as a good theologian, before he addresses what we are to do, he reminds us of what God has done.

Here's a paraphrased version of the passage from Keller's book that provided that "ah-ha" moment for me:
When God's grace first comes to us, it comes unconditionally, regardless of whether we deserved his mercy toward us. His mercy is 'unconditional' in that God calls us with the gospel before we show any interest or desire of him (Romans 3:9-18), while we still have no regard, respect for him or care about him. But though God's mercy comes without conditions, it does not proceed without conditions! God demands our cooperation in how we grow after we have been touched by his grace. Why? Because he loves us and we can only be happy if we are holy. God cannot leave us in the condition he found us. He therefore demands our co-operation with his mercy. We must give ourselves to studying the Bible, to spending time in prayer with God, to the practice of the truths that is taught in the Bible. If we do not, we will not grow.

Sin is Crouching at the Door! But at which side of the door?

I recently read Genesis 4 again - the sordid tale of Cain murdering Abel. It hit me as I read verses 6-7, that part where God warned Cain that sin is crouching at the door, that I had often viewed it as an external object waiting to pounce on Cain. It then occurred to me that I must also often think of sin as something external. It is the evil around me that makes me sin. But is it? I can rebuff the evil around me, but I cannot rule over what is not my domain. I can however rule over what is within my control and power, what is within my own heart. That crouching sin that is ready to pounce on me is within me, not out there somewhere in the form of an external notion, person or thing. I also think that, like Cain, I am quite aware of when I am about to sin, when I am about to succumb to self-indulgence, when I am about to act out on my own terms. I hope I hear God's gracious warning that I can and must rule over my wrongful desire before it festers and devours me and the people around me!

"The LORD said to Cain, 'Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.'"
Genesis 4:6-7

From Chopin to Saint Saens

About this time last year, our daughter Kathryn delighted us with her senior piano recital. Friends are still raving about how elegantly and passionately she rendered each piece. My favorites from the program are Chopin's Nocturne, Opus 9, No. 1 and Saint-Saens Concerto in G Minor, Opus 22. Her recital and her sister's art show were the highlights of the year for me! Kathryn is off to college now; I so miss hearing her daily practice on the piano.

Thy Lord is Risen!

Easter
by George Herbert (1593-1633)

RISE heart ; thy Lord is risen. Sing his praise
Without delayes,
Who takes thee by the hand, that thou likewise
With him mayst rise :
That, as his death calcined thee to dust,
His life may make thee gold, and much more just.

Awake, my lute, and struggle for thy part
With all thy art.
The crosse taught all wood to resound his name
Who bore the same.
His stretched sinews taught all strings, what key
Is best to celebrate this most high day.

Consort both heart and lute, and twist a song
Pleasant and long :
Or since all music is but three parts vied,
And multiplied ;
O let thy blessed Spirit bear a part,
And make up our defects with his sweet art.

Art Show

Around this time last year, our daughter Lauren delighted us with a well-crafted presentation of her work at her senior art show at Washington University in St. Louis. I was so impressed by how poised she was as she presented to a crowded auditorium. Time flies...can't believe it has been nearly a year!! That was one of our family's highlights of the year.

Here are the links to her website and blog. Enjoy!