Painting by Mary Cassat
It has been a long time since my last post. I have traveled across the world and back, and aged some during that time. My daughters have asked that I be more consistent with my posts (it's encouraging to know that they do read what I write, although they don't necessarily listen to what I say!). Perhaps this should be one of my new year resolutions (posting regularly, that is); but we know how resolutions go!
Two things have preoccupied me since my last post--my mother's health and care and my own health (eye issues). Both circumstances have opened my eyes (yes eyes) and heart to God's power, mercy and kindness. I could write pages declaring His goodness and lessons learned, or more appropriately, lessons being learned. Perhaps writing them down would keep the lessons learned from being forgotten. I think forgetfulness is one of mankind's greatest weaknesses. No wonder God keeps reminding us "to remember!"
One of the things I pride myself in is being a good daughter (as well as being a good wife, a good mother, a good friend, etc, etc). It is a good thing to try to be good in all that I am and do. But even a good thing when self-centered and self-focused is sin because the root of all sinful acts is focusing on self, putting ourselves at the center. Even when I do good things, trying my best to be a good daughter for example, it is often all about me. I went to Singapore and supposedly took "good" care of my mother for a couple of months. My sister-in-law and I worked hard to find an excellent caregiver for my mother. I was barely back in the US for a month before the caregiver decided to quit and we were left with nobody. On top of that, I was struck with double vision that prevented me from going back to make things right. I felt guilty most of all (self-inflicted guilt as well as guilt inflicted by others) for a good daughter would not leave her mother in a lurch. I cried out to God, supposedly in humility, but honestly I was also upset (how could He pull this from under me?). But God is gracious for in spite of my attitude and lack of true humility, He came to my mother's rescue. With a whole host of people praying, we hired a new caregiver (sight unseen) and hoped for the best. Yes, I hoped for the best because I didn't think a good replacement could be found without my being involved! Well, I'm happy to report that I am indeed dispensable in this process as the new caregiver is turning out to be better than the one I picked out and trained! I get no glory in this, and am still regarded by some as the irresponsible daughter who did not go back when she was needed.
I am learning that God loves my mom a whole lot more than I, and can take care of her quite well with or without me. I have a responsibility towards my mom, and when God calls for me to go back and be with her, I must heed. But in the meantime, I am to stop fretting and be amazed at how He, and He alone, is orchestrating her care and how He has gathered her in His arms and carrying her in His bosom (imagery taken from Isaiah 40:11).
Thus says the LORD: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD.” Jeremiah 9:23-24
