Tuesday, November 13, 2012

To Whom do I belong?


Golding Constable's Flower Garden (1815)


A reflection by Henri Nouwen that caused me to pause this morning:

At issue here is the question: "To whom do I belong? God or to the world?" Many of my daily preoccupations suggest that I belong more to the world than to God. A little criticism makes me angry, and a little rejection makes me depressed. A little praise raises my spirits, and a little success excites me. It takes very little to raise me up or thrust me down. Often I am like a small boat on the ocean, completely at the mercy of its waves. All the time and energy I spend in keeping some kind of balance and preventing myself from being tipped over and drowning shows that my life is mostly a struggle for survival: not a holy struggle, but an anxious struggle resulting from the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me.

I am the Lord your God,
    who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.
    Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.
Psalm 81:10

Saturday, November 3, 2012

College Friends


My dear friend from college got married recently.  I was thrilled to be included in her bridal party.  Through this momentous occasion, I got to see many of my college friends, some of whom I have not seen in 25 years.  We have changed somewhat physically but the love and concern that we held for one another during our college years have not diminished much despite the interim years.  Ours was a rather motley group: young men and women from various parts of the US, interspersed with a few internationals (including myself), from diverse ethnic and socioeconomic backgrounds coming together to seek friendship through our common Christian faith.  We became a close-knit group, but not an exclusive group.  We were open to include new friends and as a result expanded into a fairly large group. 

We had fun, helped each other with our studies (I would not have done so well on my papers if it weren’t for the selfless editing help from these friends), dissected the meaning of life with  endless refills of coffee at Yesterdays, counseled each other about our “love life” or lack of, and of course studied the Bible and prayed together.  These friendships were founded on a trust that transcends ourselves to the God who binds us together, with a vulnerability that is only possible as men and women who open up to each other with our hearts’ concerns, seeking prayer. 

We graduated, went our separate ways, some I kept up with more closely than others.  I have made new friends since, some becoming as close as these from college.  But these college friendships will always hold a special place in my heart because with them, I came to experience for the first time what it means to be in the family of God, where genuine love in Christ proliferates. 

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.
John 13:34-35
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Monday, September 10, 2012

Wistful

Painting by Claude Monet


My youngest is in Europe now; having backpacked through Spain, Italy and Greece, she's now in Paris to start her fall term.   Today's cool fall weather and this soulful music by Ennio Morricone make me wistful for her.  She has been selected to blog about her study abroad experience in Paris;  here's her first blog post.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

In Life and In Death


 Photography by A. Monaco


In the last two days, I received news first that my friend, Martha, is dying of lymphoma and then news that my friend Melinda’s son, Michael, is fully recovered of his lymphoma.  The pains of death surround one family; the joys of life suffuse the other.

Both however testify of God’s goodness, mercy, power, and love.  Michael’s mom acknowledges that it is an awesome God who has healed her son, who has eradicated every cancer cell that was in his body.  Martha’s husband tells of a loving God who is sustaining them, of the sense of safety in the arms of Jesus Christ who is bearing them up as Martha's body slowly shuts down. 

Two outcomes to a dreadful disease.  Yet both give thanks to the God they have each come to love and trust in their life journey.  Why?  Because in life and in death, for every Christian, we are the Lord’s.  “For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's.  For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living”  (Romans 14:8-9).

Let us now ponder together the beautiful psalm that Martha and her husband are meditating on this day:

I love the LORD, because He has heard
My voice and my supplications.
Because He has inclined His ear to me,
Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.

The pains of death surrounded me,
And the pangs of Sheol laid hold of me;
I found trouble and sorrow.
Then I called upon the name of the LORD:
“O LORD, I implore You, deliver my soul!”

Gracious is the LORD, and righteous;
Yes, our God is merciful.
The LORD preserves the simple;
I was brought low, and He saved me.

Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.
 
Psalm 116:1-7

In life and in death, can you and I say,  "We are the Lord's"  and “We love the LORD”?

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Favorite Food


My favorite Singaporean dish is Seafood Hor Fun.  It's one of my mom's favorites too.  It is readily available in many of the food courts in Singapore.  But my mom and I liked our seafood hor fun best from the Tanglin Club.  The Tanglin Club started off an a private club for British expats during the colonial era but has since evolved to include locals (with many of its starchy rules remaining in effect).  My parents were members for as long as I can remember.  When my father passed away, Mom moved to a smaller space, a condo only a stone's throw from the Tanglin Club.  Whenever my daughters and I visited Singapore, we would  frequent the Club, first with my parents, then with just my mom.  It was like a second home.  The girls spent hours in the pool (they had their first swimming lessons with Mr. Jimmy, a most miserable experience), frequented the library, took Chinese brush paining classes; I worked out at the gym (occasionally); and Mom and I enjoyed afternoon tea on the mezzanine level.  But our favorite spot was the poolside restaurant, partly because it was the most egalitarian--young and old were welcomed--there was no dress code, and the menu offered an international cuisine.  The girls would order their sandwiches, pasta or salads, with a definite side order of fries (one of the best I've had) and Mom and I would delight ourselves with the local dishes like seafood hor fun, Hainanese chicken rice, rojak, or char kway teow.  Mom and the girls would end the meal  with a good selection of desserts from ice-kachang to tiramisu.  With the sun setting and the evening breeze kicking up, we would walk back to the condo, happy as larks to have spent yet another carefree day together at the Tanglin Club.

Those carefree days at the Tanglin Club are behind us now.  But the happy memories are forever etched into our collective memory.  I've never made seafood hor fun; I think it's time to give it a try.  It won't be like Tanglin Club's, and there is no Mom to enjoy it with.   But hopefully it'll taste just as good and every bite evoke sweet moments with Mom.


Recipe for Seafood Hor Fun
Ingredients:
8 oz of broad kway teow (translucent flat rice noodles)
4 slices of fish (seasoned with salt, rinse and rub with a bit of cornflour)
4 medium size shrimp
2 brunches of chye sim (cut into 2 inches long)
6 slices of fish cakes
4 slices of pork (marinate with mixture of half teaspoon of cornflour, 1/4 teaspoon light soya sauce and dash of pepper)
2 teaspoons of minced garlic
1/2 beaten egg
Preserved green chillies (optional)
Mixture A:-
1/2 cup water
3 rounded teaspoons of cornflour
Mixture B:-
1/2 tablespoon of oyster sauce
3/4 tablespoon of light soya sauce
Mixture C:-
1/2 tablespoon of light soya sauce
1 tablespoon of dark soya sauce

Preparation for Kway Teow:-
1) Heat up the wok with 1 1/2 tablespoons of oil.
2) Add 1 teaspoons of minced garlic, stir fry till fragrant.
3) Add kway teow and stir fry in medium heat.
4) Add in ‘Mixture C’ and continue to stir fry.
5) Set aside on plate.
Preparation for Gravy:-
1) Heat up wok with 1 1/2 tablespoons of oil.
2) Add in 1 teaspoons minced garlic, stir fry till fragrant.
3) Add in sliced fish and fish cake and stir fry for a few seconds.
4) Add in chye sim and 1/2 cup of water and leave it to boil.
5) Add in shrimps and stir till 1/2 cooked.
6) Add in ‘Mixture B’ and add pepper.
7) Slowly pour in ‘Mixture A’ until the required thickness.
8) Move all ingredients to side of the wok, and slowly add in 1/2 beaten egg to the gravy.
9) Turn off flame immediately after about 10 seconds, and move all ingredients to the gravy.
10) Pour the gravy over the broad kway teow and serve with preserved green cut chillies.
** Above recipe is for 1 serving.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Father's Day

 


My father ‘s most quoted verse from the bible is Apostle Paul’s words in 1 Timothy 1:15, “This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief."  No one needed to convince my dad that he was a sinner.  More than anyone I know, he was  most acutely aware of his sinful state, very much in need of a Savior.  For that, he was one of the humblest, kindest, most forgiving, generous and loving persons I know.  According to Jesus in Luke 7 about the woman who anointed his feet, that her sins, which were many, were forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.

Missing you, Pops, this Father’s Day!

Here's Sarah Chang playing one of my father's favorite violin pieces, Meditation de Thais by Jules Massanet.


Monday, June 11, 2012

Elijah in the Wilderness

Painting by Lord Frederic Leighton (1830-1896) 

But he (Elijah) went a day's journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.”  1 King 19:4


At my small group bible study not too long ago, we discussed Elijah’s wilderness experience, that part of Elijah’s narrative where he ran for his life from Jezebel who had sworn to kill him if that was the last thing she did. That story has sat with me since. Here’s Elijah, who had just witnessed the spectacular phenomenon of God sending fire from heaven to consume the bull offering set on wood submerged in water, putting to shame the other gods, who in spite of repeated manipulative pleadings by their priests could do nothing to light up their offering set on dry wood. All Elijah had to do was call out to YHWH once, and poof! fire shot down from heaven! Elijah must have felt pretty triumphant, affirmed in his own faith, if not the Israelites’, that YHWH was indeed real and He was powerful beyond measure, and that this great God listened to him. 

Shortly after this mountain top experience, he got wind that Jezebel was out for his life. This big man of God immediately buckled at his knees, cowered, and ran for his life. Granted, Jezebel was one ruthless, brutal queen, but didn’t Elijah know that he himself was one larger-than-life prophet who had the almighty God and His heavenly armies on his side? His fear of Jezebel obviously got the better of him, for off Elijah ran, to the wilderness, sat under a broom tree, felt so sorry for himself that he asked God to take his life. 
 
What struck me first about this story is how gently and kindly God handled him.  If Elijah had bemoaned his fate to me, I would have said, “Come on now Elijah, have you already forgotten what God just did with the fire from heaven?  You couldn’t have witnessed all that and now fret over what a woman could do to you?”  And then I would quote him verses from the Bible like Psalm 56:11 - in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?  Well, good thing Elijah didn’t cry to me but to God!  God did not reprimand him or give him a litany of what it means to trust Him.  Instead God sent an angel to make him a meal!  Doesn’t that just cause you to pause and wonder about this God of Elijah’s?  How gracious and kind and how aware He is not just of the spiritual but the physical and emotional needs of His people.  God’s angel came to bake Elijah a cake!  He made sure Elijah had a good meal and good rest before he was allowed on his long journey to Mt. Horeb to meet God.

I have made the mistake when friends and family come to me to express unhappiness or fear, to jump in with a long lecture about how they should trust God and remember who He is and how well He has taken care of them, etc, etc.  When what I should have done instead was let them express their sorrow, allow them to cry, and make them a special meal or treat them to their favorite restaurant.  No matter how much faith we have, life can get pretty crummy at times.  There are times when we need to remind one another about God’s faithfulness and redemptive power, but I think when fear and sorrow grip us, we should try to give each other the grace to lament, to sob, and to even exaggerate our painful existence.

Which brings me to the next thing I picked up from the wilderness narrative.  After Elijah was well fed and well rested, he took off to Mt. Horeb to meet God.  While at Mt. Horeb, Elijah cried out to God about how he had been zealous for God, how he was the only one left who was faithful while everyone else had forsaken Him.  God again allowed him to lament first, then in a whisper, gave Elijah a list of tasks to accomplish for Him while assuring him that He had 7,000 people who had neither forsaken Him nor succumbed to the worship of the false god Baal.  The common take from this part of the narrative is -- of course Elijah was so crushed and fearful for he didn’t know until then that he was not alone, and that there were all these Israelites who remained faithful to YHWH.  This is what we get when we don’t read the biblical narratives from beginning to end!  For a few chapters before this, we learned that Elijah had run into Obadiah, another faithful man of God, who had told Elijah that he had hid a hundred prophets in caves when Jezebel tried to kill all of YHWH’s prophets.  I am not here trying to implicate Elijah for exaggerating his dilemma, just pointing out that, like Elijah, we often feel forsaken and alone when life gets overwhelming even when we know in reality that that is not the case.   

Hopefully, the next time someone approaches me with her fear, I would remember God’s graciousness and gentleness toward Elijah, and be slow to admonish, quick to listen and empathize, allowing her to exaggerate her fears, seeking first to shore up her strength by  meeting her present physical and emotional needs in offering her some form of “angel food cake!”  

And for all of us, when the Jezebels of this world come after us, let us run to God to hide and weep, He will not spurn us but gently and lovingly restore us like He did with Elijah.

On a side note, we are not told if Jezebel ever caught up with Elijah.  Elijah with renewed strength and assurance carried out what God commanded him to do (there comes a time when wallowing needs to come to an end)  and was duly taken up to heaven in a whirlwind.  Jezebel lived long enough to make life hell for several more people, but died with makeup on and, as prophesied, with her body shredded by dogs!


Monday, May 14, 2012

O Love That Will Not Let Me Go


 Photography by Lauren Monaco

At church two Sundays ago, our chancel choir sang this beautiful Scottish hymn composed by George Mattheson in 1882.  The lyrics struck a chord with me.

Here's Indelible Grace's version of O Love That Will Not Let Me Go.  The music is peppier than I would like it to be, but it is quite beautiful in its own way.   Take a listen, but more importantly, consider the lyrics together with me.

O LOVE that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O LIGHT that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O JOY that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O CROSS that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day


Illustration by Lauren Monaco

To Mom, with love

I learned a lot about life from my mother, and inherited many of her traits.  But one thing that I've not acquired is my mother's gift of conversation.  I come from a family of introverts, except for Mom.  Growing up, we relied on Mom to spice up our dinner conversations, especially when we had company (which was frequent as my parents were exceedingly hospitable people).  Mom was able to keep any conversation going from world events to knitting.  Part of it is she's a woman of strong opinions but she's also one who knew how to ask questions.

But what is most unique about her conversational style is her ease of weaving  quirky Chinese proverbial sayings into her everyday conversations.  They add such vividness and color.  She said she acquired these sayings from her mother and from her  studying of  Chinese proverbs.  None of my aunts throw proverbial sayings into their conversations, so I tend to think this is something uniquely mom.  The pictures created in one's mind from her sayings are quite arresting which made her conversations quite unforgettable.  For example, if she's chiding us for being ignorant, she would say, "You are like a frog at the bottom of a well, never having seen much of the heavens or the sun!"  That certainly had a way of putting us in our place!  Now when I overhear arrogant, ignorant talk, the person is sometimes reduced in my mind to a frog in a well, croaking in the darkness of his limited circumference of a well.

I am not about to weave quirky Chinese proverbs into my everyday conversations any time soon, as I think only Mom can do it well in her unique casual kind of way.  I can however present a sampling of the proverbial sayings she's fond of using.   It will not have the same flavor and richness, and I'll probably do a tortured job with the translation.  Some of these sayings are quite pedestrian and others quite elegant.  Some are easily interpreted while others require some deciphering.

Here they are...
Another version of the frog in a well:
As the summer insect cannot speak of ice, the frog at the bottom of a well should not talk of the heavens.
Trying to drive a dumb man to speak (indicating futile effort)
Those who reject iron cannot make steel
Water at at distance cannot save a fire which is near; a relative afar off is not equal to a neighbor at hand.
Adding flowers to embroidery (presents to the rich)
Sending coal in a snowstorm (timely assistance)
A workman who wishes to do his work well must first sharpen his tools
Not willing to pull out a single hair (stinginess)
A tiger entering a cave, looking in front but disregarding the rear (recklessness)
Distant waters cannot quench present thirst
Fresh flowers stuck on a donkey's head
A man with hare's head and snake's eyes (a devious person)
To nourish what is small at the expense of what is great.
Seven hands, eight feet (clumsiness)
Words as myriad as dog's hair
Taking advantage of a fire to stage a robbery

I end now with my favorite of her sayings:
Before my couch the moonbeams bright
Are like the frost pure and white;
I raise my eyes and see the moon,
I drop them and I think of Home 

I raise my eyes, Mom, and I see the moon.  I drop my eyes, Mom, and I think of you!  Missing you this Mother's Day.




Thursday, May 3, 2012

Flowers and Meals




One can get pretty spoiled when one is under the weather.  Look at some of the beautiful flowers I received the past few months!  Aren't the arrangements simply gorgeous and glorious?

We were also spoiled with lovingly prepared meals.  If you could only taste the pot roast, fajitas, Spanish baked chicken and rice, chicken stir-fried with peppers and pecans, roast beef, tomato soup, chicken soup, quinoa, Greek salad, chicken and egg salad sandwiches, turkey chilli, lemon meringue pie, apple pie, cookies, pound cake, and even protein shakes!  I didn't think to photograph the food before they were devoured.  That being said, meals don't photograph as well (some would differ, I imagine) for meals are a feast to the tummy and flowers  a feast to the eyes, but both fill the heart and warm the soul for they were given with utmost love by incredible friends and family!

Thank you!  And thank you for all the loving cards, phone calls, emails, text messages, and for driving Miss Daisy around town.  Did I say I got pretty spoiled?


Philippians 3:3, 4, 6, 7a, 8-11
I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy... And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace...For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, 10 so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.


Monday, April 30, 2012

A Better Life (Part 2)

I was listening to 2 Corinthians  before going to bed last night.  Two verses stood out whch I thought dovetailed nicely with what I learned from Tim Keller's sermon about the better life.

2 Corinthians 4:17,18
For  this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,  as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
  
A side note:  If you have not tried listening to the Bible, I would highly recommend giving it a try.  There's something to be said about hearing God's Word that seems more intimate, personal and immediate.  Perhaps it's because I'm not constantly trying  to dissect the passages as I tend to do when reading.  I'm not adept technologically; I would not know how to access the audio Bible had my niece not downloaded the YouVersion bible app onto my ipod this summer as she patiently showed me the wealth of things I could do with my hand-me-down ipod other than listen to the preloaded music.  Maybe you too could downland YouVersion onto your ipod, ipad, iphone, blackberry, android....and give a literal ear to God's voice!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

A Better Life

Illustration by Lauren Monaco

“God does not promise better life circumstances but a better life."
Tim Keller from his sermon, A Christian's Happiness

This sermon is so multi-layered and multi-faceted that I have been mulling over it for weeks. What I am about  to write is not a summary of the sermon, some phrases and thoughts may be borrowed from the sermon, but the bulk is my own take on Keller’s teaching on Romans 8:28-30.

As Christians, if we are taught correctly, we know that our joy rests not in our life situations. We also know intellectually and experientially that bad things happen as much to Christians as to non-Christians. We face unemployment, illnesses, tsunamis, broken relationships, betrayal…and death like every one else. However, even though I have undergone difficulties in life, I had held subconsciously to the notion that I was somehow better protected from life’s troubles because the almighty God is with me and loves me.

This sermon has caused a paradigm shift for me. There is no doubt in my heart and mind that God is with me and loves me but it’s slowly sinking into me that God does not promise me or any of my loved ones better life circumstances but a better life.  At the end of the day, I have to ask myself: do I crave good life circumstances or a good life? There is a vast difference between the two and the former does not necessarily bring about the latter. For if we really think about it, when we are comfortable, we often do not feel we have a need for God or anyone else; we are also apt to become proud, autonomous, self-absorbed, and self-deceived. However, when life gets difficult, we quickly realize our limits and start looking beyond ourselves. The bad things that God allow to happen to us are so we can be cured of the things that would eventually destroy us, such as our selfishness, self-centeredness, and pride. I am glad Tim Keller made the effort to note that bad things are not blessings in disguise, as some are fond of saying. I always felt that that undermines the pain the individual is going through. Bad things are really bad; they are painful, hurtful and destructive. Jesus hates alienation, heartaches, illnesses, death so much so that He was willing to come into our broken world and experience all that ugliness for Himself and then destroy them once and for all. Keller also rightly noted that Jesus did not go through all that suffering so we His followers will not have to go through hard times but that when we suffer we might become more like Him. Through our suffering, God is transforming our inner essence to be more like His Son, shaping us to take on His qualities of truth, nobility, radiance, beauty, courage…so that we can live our lives with incredible compassion, love, power, integrity…just like our Lord Jesus. Through the difficulties He allows in our lives, He is growing us up to be more like Jesus, to live our lives like Jesus, for at the end of the day this is the better life.

Another thing that stood out to me from the sermon is how much I expect things to go well in this world, forgetting often that it is a broken world that we live in where things by all accounts should go wrong and fall apart but by the grace of God. I am not saying that we should be morbid and fearful in how we live, but that we should be lifting up routine praises and thanksgiving that things are as good and lovely as they are for when anything, and I mean anything, goes well, it is a miracle of grace. A happy marriage, good friends, pretty flowers, sustained employment, a safe flight, good health…are all miracles of grace. And just like sufferings are not limited to non-Christians, these miracles of common grace are not limited to Christians.

I hope you will take some time to listen to this remarkable sermon.
Romans 8: 28-30
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Saint-Saëns' Piano Concerto No. 2 in G minor, Op. 22


Illustration by Lauren Monaco

Camille Saint-Saëns' Piano Concerto No. 2 in G minor is one of my favorite concertos. I grew up listening to it, but in the last three years, it has become one of my top favorites. Our daughter Kathryn chose the first movement of this dynamic concerto as the finale for her senior piano recital. I will never tire of viewing the recording of her performance. She will however never allow me to post that on my blog!

So, I'm bringing you the next best thing--Arthur Rubinstein performing the first movement of the concerto, accompanied by the London Symphony Orchestra with conductor, André Previn. Of course Arthur Rubinstein looks nothing like Kathryn! Regardless, it is a high calibre recording of a superb performance by the legendary artist. The movement starts slow and builds with increasing degrees whereby by the middle section, the fingers move so fast they seem to be flying off the keys (my favorite section).

I hope you will come to enjoy this concerto as much as I do!

Monday, March 26, 2012

I Got Mail


Painting by Steven Alfred (1823-1906)

I rarely receive handwritten letters these days, living in our technological age where emails and text messages rule the day. But three weeks ago, I received an aerogram from Dr. Tow, the man instrumental in how I became a Christian. As I read his handwritten note, it was as if God was assuring me that just as He had His eye on me when I was little, plucking me out of a pagan world, He continues to have His eye on me during this time of physical conundrum.

Dr. Tow had heard about my eye issues and was writing to encourage me and to tell me that he’s praying for me. He will always hold a special place in my heart, especially now that my father has died. As I sat next to him at my niece’s wedding in Singapore this past summer, I was reminded of how gracious God has been to our family in bringing Dr. Tow into our lives. Through the faithful service of one man, three generations of our family have come to know God.

When I was about seven, my mother underwent major surgery. After being discharged from the hospital, her surgeon, Dr. Tow, would come by our house daily to check up on her. He would end each visit with prayer, gathering my father and us children around my mother as he prayed. None of us were Christians then. My mother was a Taoist/Buddhist (we had a whole room in our house dedicated just to the worship of the various deities), my father was of the persuasion that all religions lead to the same God, and us kids were just a confused lot! On his last visit, when my mother fully recovered, he asked my parents if he could take us kids to church. My parents were so touched by his arduous care of my mom and his sincere faith, they readily agreed. Besides, they were happy to expose us to what they thought was just another source of good moral grounding. For years thereafter, Dr. Tow and his wife would come by our house every Sunday to take us to church, having first dropped off their own children at church to make room for us. We attended Sunday School, and later sat with his family for worship. It was at that church that I heard the gospel and was baptized, with Dr. Tow present.

Decades later, when my parents were in their 70s, on separate occasions, Dr. Tow was once again present when they were baptized. For my father’s baptism, our whole family was able to fly home; I can still see my father with my mind’s eye on that Resurrection Sunday, his face beaming, one hand grasping the Bible, the other Dr. Tow’s hand after his baptism service. Such a perfect picture of joy and peace in spite of his physical debilitation. We were sadly not able to go home for my mother's baptism about a year later. But what's important is that my father got to see her be baptized. My father's greatest concern when he became ill was that my mother was not a Christian. Parkinson's and dementia may have robbed him of a lot, but they could not take away his love for my mom and his God, and the knowledge of the Truth that ultimate life and hope can only be found in Christ Jesus. In spite of several near death encounters, God kept my father alive just long enough for him to see my mother baptized before He finally ushered him Home this day 13 years ago!

When my father became housebound, it was once again Dr. Tow who came by the house regularly (the same house but this time without the altar room) to read Scripture to him. On the morning my father died, it was Dr. Tow who arrived first to comfort my mom.

The mercy and love of God to bring this obedient child of His into our lives, and the faithfulness of this child of God in ushering God’s grace to us.

Abraham had his call out of Haran; Ruth had her story of rescue; Zaccheus, Paul, Cornelius, Augustine, John Wesley had theirs. This is my family's. What is yours?

And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, since he also is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” - Luke 19:9-10

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Cinema Paradiso

Yo Yo Ma, courtesy of the Boston Symphony


Keith Lockhart, courtesy of the Brevard Music Center


Chris Botti,courtesy of chrisbotti.com


Two of my favorite musical artists are Yo-Yo Ma and Keith Lockhart. They are not only incredible musicians (is there ever a doubt about their talents?) but they also serve to bring back delightful memories of family outings when our girls were little.

We first heard Yo-Yo Ma live at Carnegie Hall when Lauren was six. It was an afternoon children's concert that Mr. Ma is in the habit of giving to extend music education to the young. I remember watching Lauren, her big eyes taking it all in, glued to his performance and his easy banter with his young audience. On the way home on the train to Connecticut, music to her parents' ears, she told us that she would like to learn to play the cello like Yo-Yo Ma!

When we lived in Winchester, Massachusetts, we would regularly take the girls to performances by the Boston Pops, with its effervescent conductor Keith Lockhart. His energy (and youth at the time) so captivated our girls' imagination. Those were such memorable family excursions, not only of the performances themselves, but the exploration of the magnificent city as the four of us made our way across town from where we parked our car at the Public Gardens to Symphony Hall. How precious were those family times, and how gracious of God to allow us such happiness.

I now leave you with this soulful rendition of Cinema Paradiso (please click) by Yo-Yo Ma and Chris Botti together with the Boston Pops and conductor Keith Lockhart. Although Chris Botti is not part of our family collective memory, he has become one of my favorite artists, since first hearing him on a PBS special. He has unequivocally altered how I look at the trumpet and jazz! Enjoy!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

There is Never Loneliness


Photography by A. Monaco

"Where a people prays, there is the church; and where the church is, there is never loneliness."
Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945)


I am living the beauty of Bonhoeffer's well-crafted statement with the onset of my double vision condition. For the past few months, I have not only experienced the closeness and intimacy of God’s presence, but the love and support of His people - from the women in my small group in Dallas (whom I’ve met with for weekly bible study and prayer the past eight years), to my new friends at the church we worship at when we are in Chicago, to old friends from high school and college Christian fellowships, church friends from our Connecticut and Boston years, as well as friends from seminary and my daughters’ school…they all pray for me (most of them quite ardently) and those nearby come around to provide my husband and me with delicious meals, give me rides, do my grocery, or just to check up and chat.

The common thread connecting me to all these dear friends is our union in Christ. I know that sounds awfully “theological” but I can’t think of a better way of phrasing it. It is indeed our connectedness to Jesus that first brought us together and it is He who binds us together. They love and support me because they first love and have been loved and supported by God.

I am never alone because God is with me and He surrounds me with His people who prays for me, and loves and cares for me.

1 John 4: 7=11
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Mon coeur s'ouvre a ta voix


Painting by Gerard van Honthorst (1615)

It's my husband's birthday today. He so enjoys going to the opera. Since we can't go to one at the moment, here's Olga Borodina singing the moving aria Mon coeur s'ouvre a ta voix from Camille Saint-Saëns' opera, Samson and Delilah, to commemorate his birthday. And Elina Garanca giving an equally moving performance of the aria.

Happy Birthday, dear! Enjoy!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Heaven and Contentment



Painting by John Constable, "Haywain"

I was listening to a sermon by English preacher Thomas Watson (1620—1686) recently and was struck by this statement: A contented Christian carries heaven with him, for is not heaven where we repose in God? (paraphrased) This got me thinking about contentment and heaven.

Being contented at the end of the day does not lie in our circumstances. We could be the smartest, or the prettiest, or the richest, or the healthiest person in the world and yet be discontented. Contentment lies however in knowing that no matter what assails us (and as I grow older, I realize that life sadly does offer up many blows and disappointments) we can turn to someone who can defend us, provide for us, and carry the load for us. Remember when we were little, how we had few worries because our mom and/or dad took care of everything? And when we had a scrape, they would fold us into their arms and bandage the wound with tenderness? My parents are no longer able to offer me that kind of comfort and security but God can and does so with greater power and tenderness. Power and tenderness may be polar opposites, but necessary qualities to offer peace in the midst of difficulties. God folds me tenderly into His arms, covers me securely in His bosom as He powerfully turns life’s blows into songs, allowing my cries to slowly turn to sniffles and eventually to quiet rest. The greater power lies not in fending off sorrow but in turning sorrow into joy. The greater evidence of tenderness is visible not in smooth sailing but turbulent hours of life.

So what is heaven? It is in short a place of rest in God. An atheist would not want to be in heaven for the very presence of God (if there is such a being) would irk him horribly. A self-directed person would also not care to be in heaven for he would rather rule in his own domain and control his own destiny than rest in arms of God.

If heaven is a place where we repose in God, then hell is but a place of restlessness without God.

A person can indeed carry heaven with her, just as she can easily carry hell. Which then are you carrying this day?

Jesus said to his disciples: “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

A Good Daughter


Painting by Mary Cassat

It has been a long time since my last post. I have traveled across the world and back, and aged some during that time. My daughters have asked that I be more consistent with my posts (it's encouraging to know that they do read what I write, although they don't necessarily listen to what I say!). Perhaps this should be one of my new year resolutions (posting regularly, that is); but we know how resolutions go!

Two things have preoccupied me since my last post--my mother's health and care and my own health (eye issues). Both circumstances have opened my eyes (yes eyes) and heart to God's power, mercy and kindness. I could write pages declaring His goodness and lessons learned, or more appropriately, lessons being learned. Perhaps writing them down would keep the lessons learned from being forgotten. I think forgetfulness is one of mankind's greatest weaknesses. No wonder God keeps reminding us "to remember!"

One of the things I pride myself in is being a good daughter (as well as being a good wife, a good mother, a good friend, etc, etc). It is a good thing to try to be good in all that I am and do. But even a good thing when self-centered and self-focused is sin because the root of all sinful acts is focusing on self, putting ourselves at the center. Even when I do good things, trying my best to be a good daughter for example, it is often all about me. I went to Singapore and supposedly took "good" care of my mother for a couple of months. My sister-in-law and I worked hard to find an excellent caregiver for my mother. I was barely back in the US for a month before the caregiver decided to quit and we were left with nobody. On top of that, I was struck with double vision that prevented me from going back to make things right. I felt guilty most of all (self-inflicted guilt as well as guilt inflicted by others) for a good daughter would not leave her mother in a lurch. I cried out to God, supposedly in humility, but honestly I was also upset (how could He pull this from under me?). But God is gracious for in spite of my attitude and lack of true humility, He came to my mother's rescue. With a whole host of people praying, we hired a new caregiver (sight unseen) and hoped for the best. Yes, I hoped for the best because I didn't think a good replacement could be found without my being involved! Well, I'm happy to report that I am indeed dispensable in this process as the new caregiver is turning out to be better than the one I picked out and trained! I get no glory in this, and am still regarded by some as the irresponsible daughter who did not go back when she was needed.

I am learning that God loves my mom a whole lot more than I, and can take care of her quite well with or without me. I have a responsibility towards my mom, and when God calls for me to go back and be with her, I must heed. But in the meantime, I am to stop fretting and be amazed at how He, and He alone, is orchestrating her care and how He has gathered her in His arms and carrying her in His bosom (imagery taken from Isaiah 40:11).

Thus says the LORD: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the LORD.” Jeremiah 9:23-24